


American Dream Since He Was 17

by aleia



Series: Begin Again [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: BPD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Gen, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Internalized Homophobia, Las Vegas Aces, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Underage Sex, So many OCs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-04 13:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 39,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: When Jeff Troy agrees to billet new rookie Kent Parson, he assumes he's going to be stuck with teenager trying to party and bring girls back to the apartment. That's not at all what he gets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This thing is totally done. I'm just finishing edits on chapters and I know if I try to wait and post in one big post, I'll never get it done. I'll post at least a chapter a week if not more.
> 
> Also, there's already multiple extra scenes and sequels finished. This was actually started 2nd but finished first. It can be read 100% as a stand alone, but once everything else gets edited, the series will end up Patater. If you don't like Patater, you can read this one and ignore the series once it goes that way. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Thanks Steph for editing, consulting, and co-writing two of the chapters.
> 
> Also! Thanks to the fic that is posted on another platform, I was able to commission [Omgpieplease](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SceneryTurnedWicked/pseuds/Omgpieplease) to do art work for this series. The first four are in this story! Find him on [tumbler here](https://omgpieplease.tumblr.com/tagged/my-art).

It’s his third year with the Aces and his fifth in the NHL so Jeff isn’t surprised to get a message about housing one of the new rookies. It probably doesn’t mean he’s safe from being traded later in the season. The rookie he took at the beginning of the previous season was moved to the AHL before the regular season started and the guy he took in the middle of the season was traded over the summer.

Still, he remembers how scary it was to jump into the pros at nineteen and he also remembers how it felt to get sent down to the minors for a year. He’s sure they’re going to send him the guy they picked up in the third round. At least Jeff can tell him that he got sent to the AHL, too, but he survived that and two trades, and now he’s gotten to settle with the Aces for three years. He’s not a star, but he’s solid. And he’s been told at least once that they wanted some experienced guys around to balance out the young hotshots they picked up in the draft. They’re good and they’ll help rebuild, but Jackson will probably get sent down and Parson will be barely eighteen when training camp starts. And everyone knows Parson was their second choice. The newscasters are already questioning if he’ll get freedom and party himself out considering that Zimmermann didn’t even make it to the draft.

He isn’t sure why he has to go to the GM’s office to talk about it, but he’s back from visiting his moms in LA, so he does.

“So honestly, we were going to put him with Grimm, but he just found out his wife is pregnant and we agree with him that it’s better for him to handle one thing at a time,” Alex says after Jeff sits down in front of his desk.

“It’s fine. I can put up Jackson or Matthews easily. I have two spare rooms and one is still set up from when Murphy was in it. You know that.”

“I know. But Matthews was on his own in college so he’s getting his own place and he’s letting Jackson stay with him—at least until we know if we’re sending him down,” Alex says. “We want you to take Parson.”

“Parson.” On the upside, if it’s possible to judge the franchise’s reluctance to trade him on giving him a rookie, this is it.

“He went straight from the draft to development camp. He’s only going to be eighteen a few weeks before training camp. We really want to discourage him from being on his own.”

“You want me to babysit him.”

“We think it’s good for him to have a stable example.”

“You want him to stay with someone boring, and you want me to keep him from partying himself in to rehab like his best friend. Except that he’ll be eighteen and if their billet family couldn’t stop them, it’s going to be even harder for me to do it. I’m going to have a teenager trying to come home drunk with girls in my apartment.”

Alex raises an eyebrow at him, but then sighs and gives him a slight nod.

“We wouldn’t ask you to do this if we thought it would bring you down. If it becomes a problem, you tell us and we’ll make other arrangements.”

Jeff wants to say no, but he can’t think of a better option. Reaper is a year younger than him, and Jeff agrees that he doesn’t need Parson when he’s got a kid on the way. Osei and his wife would be good, except that Osei has two kids old enough that Jeff doesn’t think he wants Parson hanging around if he’s going to try to party. Davy still has Hooks living with him. And even if Jeff doesn’t want Parson, he agrees that Parson shouldn’t be on his own.

“Okay. I’ll take him. When is he coming?” Jeff says.

“Well, he’s in a hotel with the rest of the prospects right now for camp. His place to stay in between prospect camp and training camp isn’t going to work out. I know we don’t start for a few more weeks, but I think he’s already talked to a trainer here for the rest of the summer.”

“Prospect camp ends tomorrow. Are you saying next week or are you trying to say tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow would be good. We can manage a couple more days if you need it. We can have someone stay with him in the hotel. Or if you really can’t take him until training camp, the person he was supposed to stay with said he can make some calls. He just thinks, and I agree, that it would be better for him to get settled here than move him around more.”

“Might as well be tomorrow.” Jeff says. On the upside. If he’s horrible, there will be extra time to figure it out before the season starts.

***

Jeff texts his moms on the way home and asks them to Skype. It’s his rest day so he can get anything together that he needs and train early in the morning before Parson shows up. Alex promised to e-mail Parson’s info as soon as he’s confirmed everything. One day maybe he’ll grow out of calling his moms every time he has a problem, but he doubts it.

They listen, occasionally looking at each other like they can read each other’s minds and don’t say anything until he stops. Then Mama looks at Mom, who just waves her hand for Mama to talk first.

“So what you’re saying is that this kid just had to deal with his best friend almost dying. And for some reason, even though Wikipedia says he has his own parents, he isn’t home with them. And the family he was supposed to stay with won’t take him. Honey, what I’m seeing is a poor kid who is probably upset and doesn’t have a home to go to. I know we taught you better than to just care about how he’s going to make your life hard.”

“Mama, it’s not exactly like that.”

“Do you know that? You haven’t met him,” she says.

“I seem to remember you begged us to adopt you a baby brother as soon as you knew brothers were a thing. Maybe this is your chance,” Mom says.

“That was when I was a kid.” He’d stopped once he’d realized the reason was that they didn’t think they could afford a second kid.

“Well, you don’t always get what you want when you want it.”

“Okay, but I’m twenty-six. I wanted a little brother when you guys had to do all the hard work and be the parents. Not when I’m the one who has to get him to be responsible when he’s eighteen, and I can’t technically keep him from partying when we’re home. In Las Vegas of all places. He’s not even going to be eighteen when he gets here. I’m going to have a minor living in my apartment.”

“Maybe. But the poor kid is probably terrified,” Mama says.

“I know we would have worried so much more if you’d been on your own when you drafted, and you were older.”

“I was with Pauley. He was thirty-five and married with two kids. I was fine.”

“Yes. But you had Pauley, and maybe this kid needs you,” Mom says.

“Or he needs someone like Pauley but we don’t have someone like that who will take him.” Pauley had never really treated Jeff like a kid, but he’d had the kind of authority that meant Jeff would have listened if he had. Then again, Parson’s own parents aren't offering for him to come home so maybe he wouldn’t listen to anyone.

“Well, you have three bedrooms. If he’s that much trouble, we’ll come up and help,” Mama says. That would be great. That wouldn’t add to the jokes about him being a Mama’s boy at all.


	2. Chapter 2

There’s not much to do besides put fresh sheets on the bed before Parson gets there. Jeff drinks a beer to calm his nerves after training and then realizes he’s not sure he trusts Kent to ignore the rest of the six-pack and texts Reaper a picture.

 **Swoops:** Gotta pick up the kid in 3 hours. Probably shouldn’t finish this before then or have it around with him here. You want?  
**Reaper:** Ha! Sure. I have 5 months before I have my own kid and hopefully a few years before they might steal my beer.  
**Swoops:** I should give it to Carnie. This is your fault.  
**Reaper:** If he’s worth the trouble, I’ll babysit when you need a break. We will all sacrifice in pursuit of the cup.  
**Swoops:** Right? We’ve all seen the tapes. Good to know my value to the team is to babysit the real talent.

Jeff drops off the beer at Reaper’s house before going to the hotel the prospects have been staying in. Alex offered to send a car for Parson, but when Jeff mentioned that to his moms, he said he was going to go before they even started their arguments. Maybe he can make up an excuse to have them up for a weekend. They can just give Parson disappointed looks until he behaves.

When Jeff gets to the hotel, he parks and goes inside. The prospects are in the lobby checking out of the hotel and waiting for the bus to take them to the airport. A couple of the guys are talking with people Jeff assumes are their parents who have come to pick them up instead. He smiles and greets the guys who recognize him. He spots Parson sitting on one of the couches with a duffle bag, backpack and a suitcase next to him. He’s looking at his phone. None of the other prospects milling around him are talking to him. He’s always seemed cocky in interviews, so maybe he thinks he’s too good to make friends with prospects who probably won’t make the roster.

He’s smaller than Jeff expected even though he’s read his stats. Still, he’s skinny for a hockey player. Reaper had mentioned that in all the tape they’d seen, he never fought. Zimmermann pulled every threat off him if someone pushed him too hard. Reaper was sure that was because he couldn’t fight for shit. Looking at him now, Jeff wonders if he’ll snap the first time he gets hit by one of the bigger guys. They are going to have to make a point on the ice right away that they don’t tolerate guys coming for him.

“Hey,” Jeff waves awkwardly when he gets closer and the kid’s face shows his nerves for just a second before he covers it up and smiles. “I’m Jeff. Alex said you knew I was coming to get you.”

“Hey. Thanks. I told him I could take a cab if you needed me to.” 

“It’s no problem. This is all your stuff?”

“I just have a couple bags with me. Bob said he’d ship the rest my stuff. He said someone sent him your address,” he says. “I mean, it’s not a lot or anything.”

“It’s fine,” Jeff tells him. Bob. It had to be Bob Zimmermann. That explained the change of plans. Parson was supposed to stay with the Zimmermanns until training camp, and now they had too much to worry about.

Jeff didn’t expect him to be talkative exactly, but he’s missing the cockiness Jeff’s seen in interviews. Maybe he didn’t make friends in training camp for entirely different reasons than Jeff assumed.

“I can get it,” he says when Jeff moves to take the duffle.

“I’m leaving you with the suitcase and your backpack. I’m taking this bag because if you injure yourself as soon as I have you, management will kill me.”

“I think if I can take a check, I can carry a bag.” When he rolls his eyes, the kid looks about thirteen.

Jeff ignores him and leads the way to his SUV. Parson is quiet on the drive to the apartment. When they pass the strip, Jeff glances over and catches his look of awe before he notices Jeff watching and turns away from the view like he doesn’t care. Jeff knows they took the prospects to some shows, but it makes sense that they wouldn’t take a lot of minors to the casino.

“You get used to it after a while,” Jeff says and Parson just nods. He stays quiet the rest of the drive to Jeff’s apartment and just follows Jeff silently all the way to the guest room.

“I don’t really care what you put on the walls. It’s not that big of a deal unless you knock a hole in the wall or something. You can probably pay for any repairs pretty easy so do whatever you want,” Jeff says when he shows him his room. There’s already tacks in the walls from the last guy he hosted, and he remembers that it helped him feel like he was at home when Pauley let him do what he wanted to his room.

“Alex said he recommended you do the meal delivery a lot of the guys do during the season. It’ll keep you on a good diet without you having to worry about it. And he said you had an appointment with a trainer in a couple days?”

“Yeah. We weren’t sure where I was staying until yesterday, so it’s in a couple days,” Parson says. “I have somewhere to train on my own until then.”

“You know how to get there?”

“Call a cab?”

“I can help you figure it out if you’ll get up before I have to be with my trainer at ten.”

“You don’t have to babysit me.”

Jeff resists the urge to say, yes, that’s pretty much what he’s expected to do.

“I’m not. I’m your teammate. They have you stay with me so I can help you adjust. That means helping you get around the first few days and recommending the meal service. Not cooking all your meals and wiping your ass.”

He expects Parson to fight back, but instead the kid nods.

“Sorry. Thanks,” Parson says. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t really know what you’re supposed to do.”

“I can answer questions. Help you find things and learn how to get around. Tell you the good places to order out. But you still have to do your own shit. Basically, I’m happy to point you toward the washer and dryer and show you how to use it if you need me to, but I’m not doing your damn laundry for you.”

“I know how to do my own laundry,” Parson says.

“Well, then you’re ahead of the last rookie I had.”

***

 **Reaper:** Spill. What’s the prodigy like??  
**Carnie:** Did he already go out to try to sneak into a casino??  
**Hogie:** Did he demand you trade rooms and give him the master?  
**Hooks:** Did you check his stuff for drugs?  
**Swoops:** He’s a kid. He’s kind of quiet. He said he was tired from everything and went to bed early.  
**Swoops:** I didn’t go through his stuff but I picked him from camp so unless he’s a total idiot, he didn’t take drugs with him.  
**Carnie:** Are you sure he didn’t climb out the window to go party?  
**Swoops:** I live on the 10th floor.  
**Carnie:** This is really anti-climactic.  
**Hooks:** Yeah, Carnie. Big words. We know you went to college.

Jeff has to agree with Carnie on that count. He ordered food and Kent ate. They had meals delivered for him for the next two days. Jeff walked him around the complex and showed him how to access the pool and the gym. They made a grocery run for things he liked. Jeff maybe pretended to like Lucky Charms because Kent started to grab some, and then changed his mind. Jeff offered to let him plug in his iPod in the car, and Kent declined. Parson is officially the most boring rookie he’s ever met.

Jeff turns off the TV and decides he might as well go to bed early, too. He’s walking past Kent’s room when he hears a sob. He stops. It’s probably not what he thought it was. Except it is. The light is off, but Kent’s not sleeping. He’s crying. Jeff feels like the shittiest person for everything he’s said in the last 48 hours.

 **JT:** Moms. Help.  
**Mama:** What’s wrong baby?  
**JT:** Kent said he was sleeping but I just walked by his room and he’s crying. Should I do something?  
**Mom:** I think you know the answer to that.  
**JT:** I barely know him.  
**Mama:** He’s probably homesick. Knock and check on him.  
**JT:** He probably doesn’t want me to know he’s crying.  
**Mama:** Then you tell him it’s okay and you won’t tell anyone.  
**JT:** What if he wants me to leave him alone?  
**Mom:** Have you ever wanted that ever?  
**JT:** Ok, ok.

Jeff knocks and the sobs quiet for a second before he hears a sniff.

“Kent, can I come in?”

“I’m fine,” Kent says even though his voice says the opposite.

“Okay. Well, then I’m just going to come in really quick, and if you really want me to leave, I’ll go.”

Jeff opens the door slowly in case Kent freaks out, but Kent is too busy sitting up and frantically trying to wipe the tears off his face. Jeff flicks the lamp on next to the bed and sits on the bed next him, leaning back against the headboard.

“Sorry if I woke you up,” Kent says.

“You didn’t. I was just walking by to go to bed.”

“You can go. I’m fine.”

Jeff looks over at him. He’s wearing his old jersey from juniors. He crosses his arms over his chest and hugs himself, and Jeff notices the number on the sleeve. He’s not wearing his own jersey. He’s wearing Zimmermann’s jersey.

“You’re not fine,” Jeff says. “But I’m not going to tell any of the other guys okay? If you’re homesick, lots of people get homesick.”

Kent lets out a bitter laugh.

“Yeah, sure. I think you have to have a home to be homesick.”

Jeff’s not sure what to say to that. He feels like shit about his comments about taking Kent early. If he wanted to go home until the season started, his moms would let him. Maybe he should go there and take Kent with him. He looks back at Kent and sees him fingering the jersey. Right. Kent’s best friend is still in the hospital. Bob Zimmermann made a statement that Jack was alive and recovering and then asked for privacy for the family.

“You can take a few days to visit him whenever you want. You’re not officially under contract yet.”

Kent shakes his head and a tear slides down his cheek.

“Listen. I know you just met me, but you can talk to me. I’m not going to say anything.”

“We’re barely even teammates,” Kent says.

“Yeah, but like, I have two moms and that means twice the shame if I’m a jerk. Management would kill me for selling you out, but my moms would be so much worse.”

“You have two moms?”

“Um, yeah? I’m adopted. They’re gay.” Jeff prepares to defend them, but Kent just nods and turns away from him again.

“I can’t see him. He won’t talk to me. He had his dad tell me to leave him alone. He doesn’t want to talk to me again, and he didn’t even tell me himself.” Kent lets out a sob and pulls his knees up. He covers his face with his hands when he starts crying again.

“That sucks.” Jeff takes a chance and puts an arm around his shoulders. Kent stiffens for a second, but when Jeff urges him the slightest bit, he moves closer, buries his face in Jeff’s chest and sobs. Jeff wraps him up and holds him like his moms always have when he’s upset. If Kent went straight from the draft to prospect camp where he had a roommate to Jeff, he’s spent most of that time trying to pretend he’s fine when he’s not. And if the only people he had were the Zimmermanns, he hasn’t had anyone to focus on comforting _him_. If he’d been in Kent’s place, Jeff knows he would’ve completely crashed before he even got to camp. 

“Sorry,” Kent mumbles when the sobs slow.

“It’s okay,” Jeff says rubbing his back. “There’s nothing wrong with being upset. All that happened and he won’t talk to you. And you had to go straight to development camp after. You can be upset. Anyone would be upset. But he might just need some time. He was your best friend.”

“He wasn’t just my friend,” Kent says after another sob. Then he freezes as he realizes what he said.

“It’s okay,” Jeff says even though he’s not sure Kent means what he thinks he means.

“I didn’t mean—” Kent says but stops when Jeff meets his eyes. He’s so obviously terrified that Jeff squeezes the arm around his shoulders. “Oh God. Please.”

“Whatever you meant, I won’t tell anyone. Seriously. No one.”

“I shouldn’t’ve told you. He’ll never forgive me.”

“I won’t say anything. Seriously. If I out you, my moms might disown me. Well, maybe not, but they’d be a level of disappointed that I can’t deal with.”

Kent finally relaxes and nods.

“Does anyone else know? That you can talk to?”

“Just his parents. And well, I mean, they said I can still email them if I need something, but…”

“They’re _his_ parents?”

“Yeah,” Kent says. “And you know. They have more to worry about than me now.”

“Your parents don’t know?”

Kent scoffs.

“About us? No. They can’t. Me? Sort of. We agreed I’d be straight if they let me keep playing hockey. Clearly that worked out.”

“Well, I think you can do whatever you want now.”

“And be the first gay NHL player? No thanks. Besides, if this is what happens when I let myself be gay, I’d rather not.”

“Look. It’s whatever you want. But seriously? While I get that you don’t want to out him, I think you should be allowed to tell me. You’re a kid and this shit sucks for you too. I know I’m straight, and I don’t really get it, but I think even my moms—who I will not tell unless you decide I can—would agree that you should get to have someone to talk to about it.”

“I’m not really a kid anymore.”

“You are a minor. Management had to find someone to take you because you’re not legal.”

“I turn eighteen in four days. I’m not a kid.”

“I lied. Management basically made you live with me because I’m the most boring vet on the team who doesn’t have actual children. They decided you needed a someone who could full-time adopt you since you’re a child. It really is my job to take care of you and help you learn to be a real adult.”

“Fuck you.” Kent says, but he laughs.

“Seriously though. We’ll figure your shit out, and I’ll help you. And if he wants to talk to you when he’s feeling better, you’ll deal with it then, okay? But you’re not by yourself.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Do you think you can sleep? We’ve got lots of shit to set you up with tomorrow.”

Kent nods and slides back down the bed.

Jeff starts to get up then looks down at Kent and remembers he clearly didn’t have the moms Jeff had. Maybe no one told him he could have feelings and need people. Considering his parents said he had to be straight to play hockey, Jeff doubts it.

“You want me to sit here until you fall asleep?”

Kent bites his lip, but gives him a tiny nod.

“Sure kid,” Jeff ruffles his hair and flips off the lamp by the bed.

 **JT:** I’m not giving you details unless he says I can, but I hope you remember this was your idea, bc if he’s my little brother, then you have a new son now.  
**Mama:** Bring him home when you have a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After writing about 10,000 words of this thing, I realized group chats on phones were not a thing in 2009. I actually had to think back to realize we relied on e-mail or just being at computers. Then I just decided I liked the group chats so we're going to say this is an AU were they had that technology faster. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	3. Chapter 3

**Carnie:** Coming out tonight?  
**Swoops:** Nope. Parse can’t get in. You know that.  
**Hooks:** Parse? You named him without us?  
**Hogie:** I just got back in town! Get Reaper to babysit. He needs practice.  
**Reaper:** Hey! I was going to come out. I only have so much time!  
**Oesi:** You’re gonna be an old man with kids like me now.  
**Carnie:** Seriously. He’s been here one day and he’s ruining fun already.  
**Swoops:** He’s fine. It’s not his fault. I don’t want to go anyway.  
**Hooks:** Ha. Seriously? Are you afraid he’ll go buy drugs if you leave him?  
**Swoops:** Shut the fuck up. He doesn’t do drugs. The press is stupid. Leave him alone.  
**Carnie:** Lol. Seriously. WTF Swoops. It’s been one day.  
**Reaper:** \o/ Told you. Pay up.  
**Swoops:** What?  
**Reaper:** I said it would be one day before you fully adopted him. It was only a matter of time before you adopted a rookie and he was clearly meant to be yours.  
**Hooks:** Wait. Weren’t you at the draft for your brother? You met him already. You cheater! You already knew Swoops would like him.  
**Swoops:** Why didn’t you tell me this? Did you even really change your mind about him bc Tykesha’s pregnant or did you just want me to end up with him??  
**Reaper:** You were so mad about taking him! I wanted you to eat your words.  
**Swoops:** I’m only not mad bc it’s going to be your job to keep guys off him.  
**Hooks:** He’s as small as he looks on TV?  
**Hogie:** If he is and he’s as good as he’s supposed to be? Guys will come after him.  
**Reaper:** Yeah, but don’t worry, I’ll keep them off your boy if I have to fight everyone who hits him. He seems like a good kid.  
**Swoops:** He is. Now stop talking about him. I’m adding him to teamchat. We all know he’s not getting sent down. Also: If any one of you says the word Zimmermann ever? I will disown you.  


**[Parse is added to chat]**  


**Carnie:** Rookie in the house.  
**Hooks:** Do we have to stop cussing now?  
**Hogie:** Are you even legal yet or did Swoops have to legally adopt you?  
**Parse:** I’m 18 in 3 days. You can say fuck. I can even say it myself.  
**Carnie:** So you’re technically still a minor.  
**Hooks:** You’re the youngest rookie. You’re a child until someone is younger.  
**Osei:** Unlikely for you. You’re the youngest rookie in the league.  
**Carnie:** If you didn’t want to be chirped for over a year, you should’ve scored less so you’d be going back to juniors.  
**Parse:** So I should start to suck more now?  
**Osei:** No way. I’m old and tired. My entire strategy is to pass you the puck and then just nap on the ice.  
**Reaper:** Davy is twice your age. You could even be his child.  
**Hooks:** Sorry kid. Until we find out if the other rookies are getting sent down, this is your life.  
**Reaper:** It’s still going to be your life. Matthews is 21. Even if they bring up Hoppe from the minors, he’s 19.  
**Hooks:** You are the baby. Accept it.  
**Davy:** Hooks is just celebrating because he’s 20 and he’s hoping we’ll stop stealing and hiding his fake ID now.  
**Hooks:** I’m not the youngest one the team now! Sorry Parse, you have my 20 over-protective big brothers now. And Swoops. The most boring of them all.

Reaper texts Jeff their private thread after the rest of the chat quiets down for the night.

 **Reaper:** Off the group chat obviously. Listen. I met the kid.  
**Reaper:** First I thought he was racist bc he would barely talk to me.  
**Reaper:** Then I realized it probably wasn’t bc I’m black bc he seemed scared of everyone.  
**Reaper:** He was trying so hard not to be a mess. And we all know sort of what happened with his friend.  
**Swoops:** Honestly, I think he’s fronting in chat bc it’s easier. I think he’s going to be half-scared of most of the guys. I’m hoping being in chat helps.  
**Reaper:** Coach Day said he worked hard at training camp but he was really withdrawn the entire time. I’m not sure I could handle the attention he needs with a baby coming.  
**Reaper:** I would have tried if I didn’t think you would. I know u. You have been waiting to get a rookie who would let you adopt him.  
**Swoops:** You still could’ve warned me.  
**Reaper:** This was better. You’ll figure it out. You’ll be like Davy and Hooks soon enough.  
**Swoops:** I don’t think he’s going to be like Hooks. I can’t give details, but he’s so SAD. And alone.  
**Reaper:** He has you. And the rest of the team. We’ll have his back. You know that.


	4. Chapter 4

Parse refuses every idea Jeff has to celebrate his birthday, and he tries to talk Jeff into going out without him because it’s also the Fourth of July. Jeff refuses. It’s not like he’s a big partier anyway. Jeff buys cupcakes and threatens to call the entire team to sing him Happy Birthday unless Parse eats one.

Nothing comes in the mail for him at all, but he does smile when all the guys on the team chat make a big deal about his birthday before reminding him that he’s not an adult until the team decides he is.

***

Jeff decides to skip a session with his own trainer and train with Parse for Parse’s first day with his new trainer. Parse admitted that Bad Bob researched trainers for him after it was decided he should make the move to Vegas early. Jeff doesn’t want to think Bob would screw over Kent for any reason, but he’s not sure how much Bob really looked into his options while he was dealing with Jack’s problems. And he’s never heard of this guy. He doesn’t train any of the other Aces. 

“He said if I was training on my own, I should be training with someone who was a better fit for me. I always trained with Jack since we met and I wanted to. But Zimms likes to train a very specific way. I guess he’s right. If I can’t train with Jack, I should just do what fits me,” Parse shrugs and fiddles with the charm on the chain around his neck before tucking it back under his shirt to hide it. Jeff wonders if it’s something he got from Jack.

“Did he say why he thought this guy was better?”

“Bob said he’s more creative. Zimms liked the exact same routine every day. It helped…” Parse stops like he does when he thinks maybe he’s saying too much about Zimmermann. 

“Anyway, I did it and it’s worked, but it was boring as fuck.”

“And this Thomas guy is less boring?”

“Yeah. He trains stunt guys and sometimes actors when they need to train for TV shows and movies. Bob says he worked with a college team for a while so he does know hockey. He just kind of got away from it,” Parse says. “You know you don’t have to come with me. I know you’re trying to help, but I know ditching your own trainer for mine is above and beyond.”

“My trainer is boring. I just switched to him this year because I didn’t feel like going back to LA for the summer, and he’s Reaper’s trainer. Maybe I’ll like this guy better.” Jeff’s not sure if the reason that Thomas was happy to take him last minute was because he was hoping to steal Jeff as a client or because Thomas wasn’t sure about taking on Kent Parson alone even as a favor to Bad Bob.

Jeff doesn’t expect Thomas to convert him. He figures he’ll learn something about how Kent trains that might come in handy to help Kent adjust to the Aces once he’s training with the team and if this guy sucks, he’ll see if Parse wants to train with him and Reaper.

Right away, it’s clear that Thomas is more than happy to be working with Parse. Even with the bad press, Kent Parson is talented and having him as a client is an advertisement Thomas is getting paid for. But more than that, as he outlines his plans for Parse’s training and then runs them both through an obstacle course that hits everything they need to work on, it’s clear that he gets Parse. When Parse beats Jeff’s time, his smile doesn’t look forced for the first time since Jeff met him. Even if the workout hadn’t been as good as it was, Jeff might have been converted just on that.

***

 **Reaper:** Swoops is ditching me to train with Parse.  
**Hooks:** Maybe he’ll get faster. Kid is speedy as fuck.  
**Carnie:** No one can make Swoops that fast.  
**Davy:** No one can make you that fast either.  
**Swoops:** Parse has a separate coach for speed. I know his secret now.  
**Popcorn:** You still not get that fast.  
**Osei:** Literally no one is that fast. That’s why we got him.  
**Hogie:** I thought we got him to score.  
**Reaper:** You guys are going to give him a big head.  
**Carnie:** He went first. Either he already has a big head or it’s not happening.  
**Swoops:** It’s mid-sized. I beat him on everything involving weight so it’s under control.  
**Parse:** Just because you’re a giant.  
**Carnie:** Parse can’t get a big head or he’ll look just like his bobble-head.  
**Parse:** I’m not that small. You’re all just huge.  
**Popcorn:** We put you in luggage rack to make space on plane.  
**Hooks:** Ten bucks says we can take Parse to the movies and get him in for a child price.


	5. Chapter 5

“Stop it,” Davy says when he sits next to Jeff where he’s taping his stick.

“Stop this?” Jeff lifts his stick in question.

“Stop worrying about Parse,” Davy says. “He’s with Matty and Hopper. They’re good guys. And even if they weren’t, they’re just being sent to meeting after meeting. Parse has his own publicist already, so I don’t think he’s going to have a problem in a meeting with Aces PR.”

“I know.”

“You’ve been taping and re-taping this stick for half an hour. Reaper sent me after you.”

“He’s never going to get the A like that,” Jeff says even though he thinks Reaper would make a great captain. Davy has to retire sooner or later.

“Don’t think he wants it.”

Jeff shrugs, but he finishes his tape and doesn’t rip it off to start over.

“Listen, we all know he’s not in the best place. We’re not stupid. The coaches talked to me about how quiet he was at development camp. You’ve threatened to murder anyone who even mentions the Zimmermann kid. We know they were friends. This is the first time any of us have seen you let him out of your sight since he got here. You already told Reaper he needs a new roommate for roadies.”

“Reaper snores.”

“You can’t guard him every second. And you told me he’s focused when he trains. We’re all watching out for him. I think if there’s any place you can back off, it’s probably here.”

“You’ve barely gotten to know him.”

“I’m captain for a reason. I’ve seen a lot of rookies. And I’ve seen him on the ice. He’s not thinking about anything but hockey out there.”

“I know.”

“And everyone on this team has his back. And _your_ back. I know you won’t talk about whatever he’s got going on outside of here and as long as I think you’re handling it, that’s fine. But when we’re a team, you trust the rest of us, okay?” Davy puts his hand on Jeff’s shoulder and shakes him a little.

“Yeah. Of course. I know.”

“Good, because it’s not your job to fight when he gets hit. We got that.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“Hooks pushed him, and you glared at him. Parse was laughing and pushed him back.”

“Point taken.”

“Good,” Davy squeezes his shoulder and stands up.

“Now, come on. They should be heading to the ice now, too. You know you wanna watch your boy skate circles around us.”

***

Jeff’s moms are coming up for the first home game and insist on staying in a hotel so he and Parse aren’t distracted. They don’t argue when Jeff asks to pay for it, so Jeff agrees. It’s not even a bad idea because as much as Jeff wants to insist he’d be better off if they stayed with him, he’s not sure he can say the same for Parse.

As talented as Parse is, the coaching staff doesn’t have him on the first line yet. It’s inevitable, and everyone except Parse knows it. They have him practicing with the guys from the first and second line, and Osei is prepared to switch with him any day. Jeff knows that once Coach Day realized nothing would push Parse harder than he’d push himself, he’d sat Parse down and explained that they just wanted to make sure they didn’t push him too fast. They didn’t want to risk him too much early in the season. They want him to get used to the pace of the NHL and give him a bit more time to bulk up before playing him too hard. That just made Parse up his protein intake as though he could eat enough to be the size of Reaper in a week. Jeff reminded him that if he was the size of Reaper he wouldn’t be as fast and that was what put him ahead of everyone else anyway.

So Jeff blames Parse’s nerves the night before the game on his hope that he’ll find out about moving lines after the next morning’s skate. They’re sitting in front of the TV watching _The Mighty Ducks_ because Jeff finally got Parse to admit to liking something. He still only listens to his music with headphones and watches whatever he watches on his computer in his room, but apparently Jeff has convinced him that he can be trusted enough that Parse admitted to loving _The Mighty Ducks._

They’re half-way through the movie when Parse says something so quietly that Jeff has to ask him to repeat himself. He’s never like that with the other guys. He’s not fake, but he’s guarded. He jokes and messes around with the other rookies. He laughs when the older guys chirp him and ruffle his hair. He’s respectful in a way none of them expected, and he clearly wants to fit in. It’s still Parse, but with the charm turned up. Jeff suspects he’s quieter when he gets home because he’s worn himself out. On the days it’s just them, he’s much more even throughout the whole day.

“What if they don’t like me?” Parse says when Jeff asks him to speak up.

“What? The guys already like you. The fans already love you.”

“No. I mean, your moms. What if they don’t like me?’

“That’s what you’re worried about?” Jeff turns on the couch to face him but Parse doesn’t look up.

“Parents don’t really like me. I don’t even know how to act around them.”

Jeff doesn’t mention that Bad Bob likes him enough to e-mail Parse regularly because the man still hasn’t shown up at a damn game. They’ve only played two away games, but still.

“My moms already like you. They ask about you every time they call, and I have to remember what’s okay to tell them. They are ready to adopt you.”

“They haven’t met me.”

“Meeting you is only going to make it worse. Seriously. Enjoy it while you can. Soon they’ll be e-mailing both of us when you look tired in an interview instead of just me. Never mind that we have nutritionists and trainers telling us exactly how to eat and sleep and train. Mama will still show up when she thinks I’m sick and argue about it. I never should have encouraged her to retire when I signed. At least Mom can’t leave her job to bother us for no good reason.”

Parse laughs, but it’s fake.

“They’re going to love you. They’re going to love you and smother you with it and I’ll finally have someone else to suffer with when the guys chirp me about it.”

Parse shrugs and leans toward Jeff for a split second before changing his mind and sitting up. Jeff is glad his moms will be there the next day. Maybe they can convince Parse that wanting affection outside of cellys and bro hugs isn’t something to be embarrassed about, because Jeff has no idea how to do that.

***

Parse finds out he’s being moved to the first line during morning skate. He’s the only person surprised by it at all, but he immediately buckles down and focuses on working with Reaper, Davy, Popcorn and Carnie. After practice, Jeff spots Davy talking to Parse on the other side of the rink with his hand on Parse’s shoulder. Parse nods seriously to whatever he says, but he smiles a bit when Davy jostles his helmet and pushes him in the direction of the locker room. Davy looks up and sees Jeff watching. Jeff can’t see him rolling his eyes from a distance, but he knows it happened from the way Davy turns and starts skating toward him.

“Matty, hit the showers,” Davy says when he gets to them. “Give me a few minutes with Swoops.”

Davy waits until Matty and the rest of the fourth line are out of earshot.

“You remember I’m your captain, right?” Davy says. “You trust me that I know how to work with these kids.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jeff assumes he’s going to get another lecture about giving Parse enough space to grow up.

“So, you’ll forgive me when I admit I broke your rule. Figured it was better if you heard it from me before Parse, and if it was a dumb move, you can tell me I fucked up and I’m wrong after you talk to him.”

“What?”

“He’s frustrated because he thinks he wasn’t on our line because we’re not connecting enough on the ice. I told him to give it time. He said he shouldn’t need this much time. So, I told him that just because we might not connect immediately like he did with Zimmermann doesn’t mean we won’t find our own way. Everyone knows they had perfect chemistry on the ice right away. Sometimes it’s like that. Sometimes it’s even better when it comes through time and learning your team inside and out. He needs to trust me to get us there. He needs to trust his whole team and not think everything is on him. And he needs to stop thinking he’s not as good without Zimmermann next to him. He fits here. I don’t know if they would’ve drafted him before Zimmermann if it would have come to that. But it doesn’t matter. He’s here, and we’re all happy to have him.”

Jeff resists telling Davy that he told them all not to mention Zimmermann for a fucking reason. It’s not like he can tell them the real reason.

And he’s not sure Davy’s wrong. The shadow of Zimmermann hangs over Parse at the rink and at home, but it’s different at the rink. When Jeff wakes up in the middle of the night and finds him crying or sitting on the couch alone in the dark, it’s about Parse missing his boyfriend and wishing he knew what he did that was so bad that Zimmermann won’t speak to him. At the rink, he’s constantly trying to prove he’s just as good as Zimmermann and he deserves to be here.

“You know it’s more than that,” Jeff says.

“I know, but this part isn’t. And it’s not doing a damn thing for him if I talk around the issue like we both don’t know exactly what it is. Especially if he’s going home and thinking I don’t mean it because I won’t say it straight-out. Whatever the Zimmermann kid ends up doing isn’t any of my concern or even my business. But I need to get him out of Parse’s head if Parse is going to step up on this team. We both know he can lead the other rookies right now, but it’s not happening without a push. You need to let me do that, or you’re holding him back.”

Jeff nods.

“And if I cross a line, I’ll give you a pass to tell me off about it.”

Davy ruffles Jeff’s hair like he’s a rookie and pushes him toward the opposite side of the rink toward the locker room.

“Go check on your kid. I know you’re dying to. And make sure he gets a nap in. That kid has got to start sleeping more if he wants to keep this up.”

***

Parse seems fine in the locker room even if he’s a bit quiet. He got quiet and focused before the last game also, and no one brought up Zimmermann then.

“I’m okay,” Parse says on the ride home before Jeff even brings it up. “I know Davy told you that he talked to me about Zimms, but he wasn’t wrong, okay? Before a game he’s in my head anyway even if no one brings it up. And yes, I know you’ve forbidden anyone from talking about him. I’m not stupid.”

“They think it’s just because you were friends, I swear,” Jeff says. “And it’s not just me. Davy backs me up on it most of the time and it’s not all about you. He thinks gossiping about something bad happening to a kid is tasteless no matter who he is, and he’s not wrong.”

“Yeah,” Parse says. “I know. No one ever really believed the rumors. Fans make up that shit about a lot of players, and they don’t even believe it themselves most of the time.”

“Yeah.”

“But I’m okay. It kind of helped. You don’t have to babysit me all the time.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ve gotten two talks from Davy about it,” Jeff says. “But then he tells me to make you take a nap so he’s got some serious mixed messages going on.”

Parse groans as they pull into the complex.

“I know to take a nap before a game. Don’t you dare try to come tuck me in.”

Jeff laughs and doesn’t mention that Parse does kind of let Jeff tuck him in sometimes after he finds Parse awake and upset in the middle of the night.

***

Parse scores in the first five minutes of the game. It’s his first goal in the regular season and the home crowd goes crazy. It’s also a relief after he didn’t score in their first two regular season games. Never mind that none of the vets scored either and their first game was against the Penguins. Parse would consider himself a failure because he couldn’t get past Sidney Crosby. He skates over to the bench and hugs Jeff as soon as his line lets him go. Jeff glances up at his moms in the family section to see them screaming like he scored himself and points them out to Parse.

Parse scores again right before the second period and ties up the game. The press is asking for him after the period ends, but Davy goes instead. Coach Day has let the press talk to Parse a couple times in the pre-season, but he wants his focus to stay on the game now.

Two minutes into the third period, it’s clear the Aeros are taking Parse seriously now. Cecil checks him hard against boards and he takes long enough to get up that Reaper is on Cecil before the whistle. Reaper gets in a few hard punches before the refs pull him off and keeps yelling as he’s pulled to the box, having earned a major and a minor penalty. Parse skates over long enough to convince the coach that he’s fine before he’s sent back to the box to serve the minor penalty for Reaper. Jeff would feel better if Parse was next to him after that hit, but he knows the coachs’ strategy and it’s the middle of the game so he sits and shuts up about it. If he’s watching Parse in the box for the powerplay instead of the game, no one says anything about it.

Parse races out of the box right on time and takes a pass from Davy. He’s scored before any of the Aeros have a chance to catch him at all. It’s the first time Jeff gives a shit that he’s not on the first line because it’s forever before Parse gets to him on the bench. There are hats falling on the ice everywhere. Maybe the commentators will stop calling Parse a second choice now.

***

They have to let Parse speak to the press after his first hat trick, but Davy sits on his side even though it’s really Matty’s stall on the left side of Parse’s. Jeff stays near his stall on the other side even though the cameras ignore him. Jeff wishes Parse could be like Popcorn and just pretend he still didn’t speak English. It goes fine until a reporter asks if he feels like he proved everyone wrong who said he wasn’t their real first draft pick.

“The thing about how great the Aces are is that I haven’t felt like I have to prove anything,” Parse says. “From the time I got here, everyone has been great to work with and made me feel like part of the team. Every year someone is first, but after that, you have to know you’re part of a team and you don’t focus on whether you were the best guy in a group for one year of your career. You focus on being as good as you can for the team you’re on and forget about all that.”

It reminds Jeff just how much media training Parse has when he smiles and answers the next question before Davy pushes a hat on his head and tells the reporters Parse is done.

The reporters move on to Davy and Parse gets up to get showered. By the time he’s back, the reporters are gone and the guys who got out of the first round of interviews are ready to head out.

“You coming out Parse? Celebrate your first hat trick?” Matty asks, but Parse shakes his head.

“Got plans. Another time.”

“Swoops’ moms will turn you into as much as a Mama’s boy as him if you let them,” Hooks says.

“Maybe I’d rather have a home-cooked meal than drink with douche bags I see every day,” Jeff says.

“I’m fine,” Parse says when they’re walking to the car alone. “My publicist has run me through every single question they could ask about Zimms ever. It sucks, but I’m ready for it.”

“Yeah, well, if you need a break from my moms, just give me a look and I’ll handle it. They’d understand anyway.”

“I’m not kicking your moms out of your apartment.”

“It’s your home too, and it’s not like that.”

Parse shrugs and Jeff decides to leave it. His moms are probably better at handling Parse than he is anyway.

His moms are already home when they get there. They’re long past the days of waiting outside the locker room for Jeff to be done and they knew Parse would be held up even later.

Mom wraps him up in hug before he can even put his things down. Mama lets Parse get his bag down at least before she hugs him and then pulls back so they can switch places. When Jeff glances over, Parse looks a little shocked but he relaxes in Mom’s hug and hugs back.

“I hope Jeff didn’t make you think you boys weren’t helping with dinner,” Mom says as she takes Parse’s arm to pull him to the kitchen. “I understand why you order your meals during the season, but we weren’t going to raise a boy to think women would just wait on him.”

“I told him I’d try but he’d have to keep me from ruining anything,” Parse says.

Mom hands Jeff the meat to brown for tacos and focuses her attention on showing Parse how cut vegetables without hurting himself. Once she’s sure Parse knows what he’s doing, Jeff overhears her telling him how happy they were to see not only his first goal, but his first hat trick. Mama chimes in that they’ve been following since the pre-season games and they’re so proud he’s doing well. Parse blushes and mumbles his thanks. Then he looks even prouder of himself when Mom takes the vegetables and tells him he did a great job with that too. She tells Parse to go set the table with Mama and comments that she knows they probably haven’t sat at the table since he moved in.

“He’s more shy that we thought he’d be, but then we know some of these boys are different on the ice and on camera,” she whispers to Jeff as she starts browning tortillas. No matter how many times she tries to teach Jeff, he always burns them.

“He’s worried you won’t like him,” Jeff admits.

“That sweet boy? Why wouldn’t we love him?”

“Because his own parents don’t seem to?” Jeff says.

“Why on earth?” Mom says. “There’s nothing a child can do to deserve that. You could do just about anything and I’d still love you.”

“I know. I love you guys,” Jeff says. “And I really know you love me, so please feel free to ignore me and push all your extra love on him. He needs it.”

“We have plenty to go around without that,” Mom says. “Do his parents even have some stupid reason for being like that?”

“I really want to tell you,” Jeff says, “but I can’t.”

Mom looks at him and then back toward the direction Kent went and sighs.

“Well, until he’s ready to tell us, he’s talking to you right? That kid has to be starved for love to be happy I was proud he could cut a tomato. Though he probably should be talking to someone besides you.”

“I’ve tried. He won’t go to someone and I can’t make him.”

“Well, keep trying and maybe now he’ll join you for some Skype calls. Your mama can make just about anyone open up. You’d think she was a professional at it instead of me.”

Jeff nods and they’re quiet as they sort everything onto plates to take to the table. She stops him just before he starts picking up plates to carry out.

“We’re so proud of you too, you know? We’ve always been proud of how you play, but encouraging him to get to know us and opening your family to him without getting jealous? That’s more to us than all the awards you could win. You’re as good a man as we hoped you’d be. You know that, right?”

“Mom,” Jeff knows he’s blushing but it’s hard to be too frustrated and embarrassed when he remembers that for all the times he wished his moms wouldn’t be so mushy, Kent’s never had that. He’s never had a parent tell him how proud they are of just who he is. And if Bob Zimmermann ever said it, it’s tainted with how obvious it is that Jack comes first.

“We’re still here to help if you need us,” Mom says before wrapping him up in a hug. “Especially if that boy’s parents ignore him for the reason I suspect they do.”

“I think they were probably not that great before they had a reason anyway,” Jeff says because he’s not surprised if she figured it out.

“You know, I think if parents can ignore their kids for any reason, then they probably weren’t ever great to start out with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that long chapter, I'm taking a posting break. Comments super-appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

When Matty and Hopper ask Kent to go out again after their next win at home, Jeff can see the way he almost turns around to ask Jeff. Jeff isn’t sure if he was going to extend an invite or ask permission at first, but the way he stops and turns back to Hopper quickly tells Jeff it was probably the latter. He never seems to mind getting chirped for being Jeff’s kid, but Jeff can’t blame him for stopping short of asking permission to go out for the night. They don’t even have a game the next day to use as an excuse, and it’s not a bad thing for Parse to hang out with the other rookies. There’s something to be said about hanging out with the guys closer to his own age. It’s possible Davy pointed that out to Jeff last week. Parse is already rooming with him on the road instead of other rookies. That’s not going to change because he’s not letting Parse wake up crying from a nightmare with anyone else, but Davy’s right that he should encourage Parse to socialize with the other guys. They spend enough time in Canada that it’s pointless to expect him not to drink, and it’s been weeks since they all stopped worrying that Parse has a secret drug problem.

At least that’s what Jeff tells himself when he doesn’t object to Parse going. If he turns down Reaper’s invite for a drink so he can make sure he’s home to wait up, then he has his reputation for not going out too much as an easy excuse.

It’s almost two a.m. when Hopper texts him.

**Hopper:** How mad are you going to be that Parse is drunk?  
**Swoops:** I’m not mad. He’s an adult even if he’s underage. Do you need help?  
**Matty:** He’s not that drunk and I don’t think anyone got pictures that look bad.  
**Matty:** But we’re in a cab back to your place and he kept trying to wander off so can you come down and help us get him upstairs?  
**Swoops:** Yeah, I’ll come down.  
**Hopper:** He totally made out with this girl on the dance floor but I don’t think she had a clue who he was. He didn’t give her his number anyway.  
**Swoops:** Great  
**Hopper:** Ugh. I told you his dad was going to be mad.  
**Swoops:** I’m not mad  
**Matty:** If you say you’re not mad, you’re just disappointed, I’m screenshotting this and sending it to team chat.  
**Matty:** You know I wouldn’t let him drink and not watch his back. He’s not wasted. He’ll just probably agree to go up easier if you come get him.  
**Swoops:** I’m neither. It’s just late but I was still awake anyway. How close are you?  
**Matty:** Good, because I think he’s worried you’ll be upset, but he’s fine. Seriously. Not like when he just says he’s fine.  
**Matty:** GPS says 5 min.  
**Swoops:** I’ll meet you downstairs.

When the cab pulls up, Matty gets out first. He seems sober and that helps.

“I knew you’d wait up.” Matty smirks at him before leaning back in the car and grabbing Parse’s arm to pull him out of the car. He says something that Jeff doesn’t hear and Parse slides out.

“Hey kid,” Jeff says as he wraps an arm around Parse’s waist. He leans on Jeff but he’s not so drunk that he can’t hold himself up at all. Jeff waves Matty off and tells him to get home safe.

“Are you mad?” Parse asks once they’re alone in the elevator.

“No. I assumed you were going to drink. It doesn’t sound like you did anything too crazy, and I don’t think you’re going to puke on me, so I don’t know what I’d be mad about.”

Parse nods into his neck and doesn’t say anything until Jeff sits him down on the couch and comes back with a glass of water.

“I made out with a girl at the club,” Parse says.

“I heard. Unless she didn’t want you to, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Jeff doesn’t ask if he likes girls because even if Parse has said he’s gay once, it wasn’t like he was having a serious conversation about his sexuality at the time.

“I don’t even like girls like that. I’m gay. It was stupid.” Parse drinks the rest of the water when Jeff pushes it back toward him and then leans forward with his arms on his knees.

“Well, that doesn’t mean you can’t experiment or mess around if you want to and the girl’s okay with it,” Jeff sits next to him and rubs his hand over Parse’s back. He leans into it like he usually only does when he’s too upset or half asleep to care.

“That’s not why I did it.”

“Do you want to tell me why you did it?” Jeff wouldn’t care except he suspects that Parse _wants_ to tell him.

“Because I knew no one would care if I kissed a girl, and I miss it.”

“You miss kissing?” Jeff asks.

“I miss touching. Not like that. It doesn’t have to be like that. But at least with Zimms, there was always something. And I got used to it. And the guys hug sometimes but it’s not enough.”

“Did it help?” Jeff asks even though he suspects from Parse’s mood that he knows the answer.

“Not really, but it was something. It was better than nothing until I thought about it and now I feel gross. Not that she was gross. I just don’t even know her and I know guys do it, but I’ve never really.”

“You don’t have to like random hookups if it makes you feel bad. If the guys are chirping you and pushing you, I’ll tell them to back off.”

“It’s not them. I just wanted it to help, and it didn’t.”

Jeff pulls on Parse’s shoulder and leads his head into Jeff’s lap. His moms never left him short on hugs and cuddles when he was a kid and he knows he missed that when he moved. But there’s always been a few guys on the team who are willing to go past normal bro hug rules when he needs it and even if none of the girls he’s dated have gotten serious, it’s not a risk to find someone for a few dates or hook up. Parse can’t risk that, and Jeff has seen how careful he is about not looking too long or touching too much when it comes to the other guys on the team.

“Does this help?” Jeff asks as keeps wraps one arm around Parse’s waist and cards through his hair with the other hand.

“You don’t have to,” Parse says even though he doesn’t pull away.

“I’m not making out with you,” Jeff says, “but if you’re just touch-starved in general, this isn’t a big deal.”

“Touch-starved?”

“Everyone likes to be held and touched sometimes. It’s normal. It doesn’t have to be sexual. Society just makes guys think there’s something wrong with it but there’s not.”

“Your moms told you that.”

“And they’re right. It’s not a big deal. If you don’t want to just go pick up like the rest of the guys do, then just let me do this and tell me if you need it. It’s fine. As long as it’s platonic. Not that I’m going to freak out on if you have a crush or something, but—”

“Oh my god, I don’t like you like that. Gross. You’re like, old.”

Jeff laughs because even if he’s not a huge fan of Parse drinking, it’s nice to have him not denying he’s a kid and cuddling up when he’s not crying.

“Good. We’re on the same page then, kid.”

Parse nods and curls up more on the couch to get comfortable and Jeff holds him and plays with his hair. Eventually, he complains that he doesn’t want to fall asleep on the couch. If he’s mostly sober by the time he lets Jeff tuck him into bed, Jeff doesn’t mention it.

***

Jeff waits until almost one before he knocks on Kent’s door. They have today off before they fly out for a long roadie tomorrow night and Coach specifically said he didn’t want to see Parse at the rink. Getting the kid to rest is harder than getting him to train. Even after he went out, Jeff expected to be coming up with ways to occupy him when he started to get restless. It’s the whole reason he agreed to go to have dinner at Davy’s house in the first place.

It takes a few seconds before Kent calls for him to come in. When Jeff opens the door, he’s sitting up in bed with his laptop next to him.

“Just wanted to make sure you hadn’t died,” Jeff says. “Are you starving, or are you hiding stashes of food in here that I don’t know about?”

“Why would I be hiding food?”

“I don’t know, but I’ve never seen you go this long without eating, so either you’re sick or starving yourself for no reason.”

Parse shrugs but doesn’t give him a real answer.

“Okay then, are you sick? Or hungover? I didn’t think you were drunk enough for that.”

“I’m not. Sick, I mean. Or hungover.”

“Are you hungry?” Jeff asks. He wonders if this is how his moms felt when he has eleven and decided he didn’t want to do anything at home except play video games.

Parse nods and pushes back the blankets to get up. He has on pajama pants and t-shirt and he doesn’t seem concerned about getting up, so at least that takes away Jeff’s slight worry that he interrupted a masturbation session by accident.

Parse warms up his own meal and sits at the breakfast bar to eat.

"You want to tell me what’s up?” Jeff asks after he stays quiet.

“Sorry about last night,” Parse mumbles without looking up.

“I don’t remember anything you have to be sorry about,” Jeff says. “Do you remember all of last night? Were you more drunk than I thought you were?”

“I remember.”

Jeff stands in front of him on the other side of the bar. With Parse on the stool, they’re just about the same height.

“Should _I_ be apologizing for last night?” Jeff asks. “Because you were the drunk one, so if what I did made you uncomfortable then I should be apologizing, but you definitely did nothing wrong.”

Parse finally looks up at him.

“No. It…” Parse looks down again as he blushes. “It was nice. It helped. But you shouldn’t have to do that for me.”

“Did you miss the part where I really didn’t mind?” Jeff says, “And whatever, there’s a reason the guys make fun of me for being a dad. I’m much less annoying to the guys who don’t want to put up with my shit since you came along. Matty doesn’t believe anything Hooks says about me from last year. It’s hilarious. And maybe I don’t need as much physical affection as you, but it’s nice and I don’t ever _mind_ it.”

“And you don’t think it’s weird?”

“No. Do you want me to call Mom and have her explain to you scientifically why it’s not weird? Or I could call Mama and have her launch into her spiel about how hyper-masculinity has taught men to not be affectionate with their friends, but you’ll need to block out a few days for that speech. Or I could just point out to you that there are five pictures of Hooks sleeping on Reaper on the bus on Instagram and those are just the public ones. He literally cannot nap on the bus or the plane if he’s not next to Reaper. He claims Reaper is just the right height for a pillow but that’s bullshit.”

Parse finally laughs and shakes his head.

“Okay, okay.” He still blushes and looks down when he adds, “thanks for doing that then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, waking up to comments makes me try to post more before I got to work. The next chapter is one of my favorites so it might go out if I can give it another read fast enough. If not, probably tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

They’re about to get in the car to go to Davy’s house when Parse hears a sad meow coming from underneath the car. He uses the flashlight on his phone to look and starts crawling under the car immediately after. He’s probably going to have to go back and change before they can go to dinner, but Jeff doesn’t stop him. He doesn’t want to crawl under the car himself, but he also doesn’t want to run over an animal. Parse spends long enough under the car that Jeff takes a picture and sends it to Davy.

**Swoops:** We were going to be early, but Parse has to rescue a cat.  
**Davy:** You’re going to have a cat now  
**Swoops:** No. We are not keeping it. I don’t want to run over it though  
**Davy:** Sure. You’re really going to say no when he asks to keep it.  
**Swoops:** We travel too much. We are not keeping the cat

When Parse finally comes out, he’s holding a tiny black kitten in one hand. Instead of squirming to get away, her claws are digging into his shirt. She doesn’t have a collar with tags because Jeff’s life isn’t that easy.

“She’s so hot. She needs water,” he says.

“We’ll take her inside and get her water while you change. Then we’ll take her to a shelter before we go to Davy’s.”

Jeff thought Parse’s most epic pout was when the coach told him he wasn’t allowed at the rink because he needed rest. He’d even caught a picture of it and put it on twitter. Turns out, that was nothing. He looks down at the kitten and pulls her closer as if Jeff is going to yank her out of his hand.

“She needs water,” Jeff says to get him moving so he doesn’t have to keep looking at Parse making that face.

Parse nods and leads the way back to the apartment where Jeff fills a bowl with water and sets it on the floor. Parse sets her on the floor and kneels next to her.

“Dude, you’re a mess. Go change.”

“She’ll get sick if she drinks too fast.” Parse pulls her away gently for a few seconds before letting her drink again.

“I will watch her. You go change.”

Parse hesitates, and Jeff rolls his eyes.

“Come on. She’ll be fine with me. I haven’t let you die yet, and you’re much more difficult.”

Instead of rolling his eyes or making a sarcastic comment, Parse watches her for a few more seconds and then gets up to leave. He comes back with new clothes faster than he’s ever changed before.

Jeff lets him sit with her while he looks up animal shelters that are still open.

“We could keep her,” Parse says in the car.

“We are traveling too much to have a pet.”

“Cats are easy. And I’ll find a cat sitter. I’ll pay for it.”

“I can’t have cats in my apartment,” Jeff says. “And either way, we should take her to the shelter because they need to check her and make sure she’s okay.”

That stops Parse for the time being, but he spends the whole ride holding her close and petting her even though she’s dirty and kind of smells. Jeff snaps a picture because it’s adorable.

Parse hands over the kitten only after the attendant promises that they can fill out paperwork so that they can call to be updated about her health.

“Someone will probably adopt her, right?” he says.

“Maybe. She’s young and that helps, but sometimes people can be weird about black cats.”

“What happens if no one wants her?”

The look on the woman’s face answers that.

“We can’t leave her,” Parse says. “We have to find a no kill shelter.”

“Parse, everything is closing now. We leave tomorrow,” Jeff reminds him.

“We can call you before anything happens to her if you want. You’d have a chance to come get her if she’s put on the list to be put down for any reason.”

“We’re gone until next week. You’ll keep her at least that long, right?”

“Of course. Unless she’s really sick, and we don’t know yet.”

“But you can help her if she’s sick, right? If it’s expensive, I can just make a donation so it’s already paid for.”

She admits it’s an usual request, but she agrees after Parse offers a crazy amount of money. She even has the kitten brought back so Parse can say goodbye. The kitten’s been cleaned up at least, so it’s not gross when Parse cuddles her close to his face and takes a few pictures with her. The vet tech doesn’t seem to be in the rush to get them out so she can close like Jeff wishes she would be, so Jeff has to take her out of Kent’s arms himself and hand her back. Parse looks at him like he’s the worst person ever, but he lets her go.

Parse pouts the entire drive to Davy’s house. Jeff is glad he has to look at the road instead of that face.

When he parks and checks his phone there are a million messages from the team chat. Parse has sent one of the pictures he took with the kitten.

**Parse:** Swoops made me take her to a shelter.  
**Parse:** He says he’s not allowed to have pets at his apt. Does anyone know if he’s lying?  
**Davy:** I knew this would happen when he said you found a cat under his car.  
**Davy:** I’m staying out of it.  
**Osei:** Well that’s just adorable.  
**Hooks:** I have no idea but you could move?  
**Matty:** That is the tiniest saddest kitten I have ever seen.  
**Hopper:** Cats never go outside. How would they know? Just make sad faces at Swoops until he caves.  
**Carnie:** Once upon a time, Swoops gave my kid the loudest most obnoxious toy ever.  
**Carnie:** On that note, I used to live in that complex. Swoops is LYING. He can have pets under 30 lbs.  
**Matty:** DAMN. Just sell the man out.  
**Carnie:** Revenge is sweet.  
**Hooks:** LOL. Where is Swoops that he’s not answering here?  
**Reaper:** He’s planning Carnie’s murder.  
**Parse:** He’s driving.  
**Osei:** Bets on how long before Swoops caves and lets him go pick up the cat?  
**Popcorn:** They go pick that cat up tonight.  
**Hooks:** We are leaving early tomorrow. He’ll agree at some point on the roadie.  
**Hopper:** He’ll cave to cheer Parse up if we lose a game.  
**Matty:** Don’t you dare throw a game Parse. He’s going to cave either way.  
**Parse:** I will never throw a game. I’d never do that to Carnie. He’s my favorite now.  
**Oesi:** That’s just mean. You’re going to make Swoops cry.  
**Parse:** And she might get adopted before we get back. :(  
**Carnie:** Swoops needs to learn to say no to his kid without lying. It’s a skill.  
**Swoops:** I hate all of you. But Carnie the most.  
**Carnie:** It’s training for when you have a real kid.  
**Swoops:** You couldn’t just buy him something obnoxious?  
**Carnie:** This is so much better.

“Do you really think you’re going to not end up with that cat?” Davy asks. To his credit, he waits until after dinner when Parse is distracted with the kids to ask.

“We’re gone too much for a pet and they’re a lot of work,” Jeff says. “I mean, I don’t _hate_ animals. I’ve just never really wanted to live with one. It’s work and they make messes. I don’t need cat hair all over my stuff.”

“Has he figured out he can pay to have cleaning people to help with that yet?”

“Don’t give him ideas. It’s easier if I just don’t have a cat in my apartment.”

Davy laughs and shakes his head.

“I’m not. The other guys, good luck.”

“Fucking Carnie.”

***

Parse calls and checks on the cat every day. They beat the Sharks, then the Schooners, and then lose to the Sabres in overtime just as the boys are all starting to think they might be doing more than rebuilding for a second year. Parse doesn’t care that they still got a point for that. He sits next to Jeff on the plane to Ottawa and doesn’t say anything all the way to the hotel. He flips through his pictures of the kitten, but doesn’t bug Jeff about adopting her.

“I should’ve passed to Davy instead of trying to shoot at the end of the third,” Parse says when they’re lying in the dark.

“Wait until the coaches have watched the tapes and see what they say,” Jeff tells him. “But even if he says you should have passed then, he’s going to find all kinds of things we could’ve done better. It’s not all on you if we win.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

“You are here to _help_ us win. You are not here to win the Stanley Cup all by yourself.”

When Parse doesn’t answer Jeff adds, “No blames you when we don’t win. We lost in overtime. It was a rough game. We’re already way ahead of where we were last year.”

“I’m not used to playing that long. I was too slow at the end. I need to work on endurance.”

“You need to stop thinking the entire fate of the team is on you alone and go the fuck to sleep.”

***

Parse doesn’t cheer up again until they beat both the Senators and the Jets. He falls asleep against Jeff right after the plane to Colorado takes off, too tired to care if the other guys have already passed out. When Jeff looks around, he sees Hooks and Hopper are already out too. Davy takes a picture of all of them and posts it on twitter with the caption, “Long roadie has the kids needing extra naps.”

They get a win in Colorado even though everyone is exhausted, and Parse starts bugging him about seeing the kitten on the way to the airport. Jeff’s hoping he’ll pass out on the plane again, but right now he’s still hopped up on adrenaline.

“They named her after me at the shelter,” Parse says. He leans over to show Jeff a picture of the kitten in her cage with a little sign reading “Kit Purrson.”

“That’s adorable. You should keep the name,” Carnie says. Jeff glares at him.

“She said we can visit her tomorrow,” Parse says.

“Visit. Just visit,” Jeff says. Parse glares at him and turns back to his phone. At least he doesn’t want to go into his full pouting mode in front of all the guys. Either way, he’s still not too mad to fall asleep on Jeff on the plane.

***

Parse drags him back to the shelter right when it opens. The vet tech smiles at him when he comes in and takes them back to the line of cages right away. Jeff prays Parse doesn’t fall in love with any of the other animals while they’re there and takes a seat in the corner of the room while Parse goes ahead to find her cage.

The kitten is already pawing at the door and meowing when the tech opens the door to take her out and hand her to Parse. He holds her against his chest and talks to her and she scrambles up his chest to nuzzle her head under his chin. He smiles like he only smiles right after he scores not just a regular goal, but a game-winning goal. Jeff sighs and takes a picture with his phone.

**Swoops:** Ok. Who wins if I let Parse have the kitten today?  
**Reaper:** HA! Davy if you give in within the hour, Carnie from then until six, Hooks if it’s later tonight.  
**Swoops:**  
  
**Osei:** Yeah. Okay. Even I couldn’t stay strong against that and I have 3 actual kids worth of practice.  
**Davy:** You put up a noble effort.  
**Carnie:** I was so close! The shelter just opened!  
**Swoops:** You don’t deserve to win.  
**Carnie:** Whatever. Literally everyone knew he was going to end up with the cat.

“You have to take care of her. Feed her. Clean the litter box. Clean the apartment or pay someone so there’s not cat hair everywhere. Find a cat sitter we can trust for roadies. The day that I’m having to take care of her because you’re not doing it, we start looking for a new home for her,” Jeff says as Parse’s face lights up.

“What? Really?” Parse asks like he was the only one who thought Jeff wouldn’t change his mind. “I’ll never forget to take care of her, I promise.”

Parse starts talking to her about going home as Jeff finds the vet tech to get her paperwork started. While she’s getting everything together, he texts the picture to his moms.

**JT:** I tried really hard to keep saying he couldn’t have her, but I guess I’m weak.  
**Mama:** Baby, I’m not sure we could’ve stood our ground to that after how he was when we met him.  
**Mom:** We wanted you to decide on your own because a pet is a big responsibility, but I think it will be good for him. Pets are good therapy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I went with making Kit a black cat. Kit is based of a cat that I catsit for. Who actually does like to be held all the time and will wrap her paws around your neck to give you hugs. I decided Parse needed a cat like that. <3


	8. Chapter 8

Jeff decides not to ask Parse if he’s coming home for Christmas. Instead he says they can fly home from Dallas to get Kit and then drive to his moms’ house. He adds that it’s fine if Parse has other plans but doesn’t tell him that he has to take Kit if he does. Parse has taken the responsibility to the extreme and spoiled her rotten. Plus, if Parse wakes up in the middle of the night and spends too long sitting in the living room alone, Kit has taken to sneaking off and pawing at Jeff’s door until he gets up and puts Parse back in bed. He’s happy to take her for a few days if Parse wants to see his parents and they don’t want her with him.

They fly back early on Christmas Eve after a win against the Stars and are home in time for Christmas Eve dinner. Mama teaches Parse how to make the mashed potatoes while Mom sips a glass of wine and plays with Kit. By the time they go home on the 27th, Parse has stopped walking around like he’s not sure he belongs.

***

They’re in Montreal, just three wins away from locking in a playoff slot, when Jeff wakes up to find Parse crying quietly in the bed next to him. It’s been weeks since anything like this has happened, and it almost never happens when they have a game the next day. For all his problems, Parse seems to block it all out when there’s a game on the line.

Jeff gets up and moves to the other bed. When he sits down, Parse curls into his chest immediately. For the first time, he doesn’t try to say he’s fine or tell Jeff he’s sorry that he woke him up. He sobs harder for a few minutes before his breathing slowly returns to normal and he wipes his face.

“They’re not coming tomorrow,” he says.

Parse never told Jeff he’d asked anyone to come to the Habs game, but it’s not hard to figure out.

“He said he didn’t think it would be good for Jack to have him and Alicia getting attention in the media. He didn’t have to say Zimms doesn’t want to come. Obviously, he doesn’t want to come,” Parse says while still leaning against him.

“Offer is still out to share my parents,” Jeff says.

“Unless you get sick of me too.”

“That’s never going to happen. Ever. Even if I get traded and we play against each other for the cup. They’ll just like, cheer for us individually and assume it’s up to the rest of the team who wins,” Jeff says. “Mostly because they know you’re way better than me.”

“They can’t trade you. I’m going to start losing if they trade you. Not on purpose, but it’ll happen.”

“You would not, but there’s not a lot of talk about it if that makes you feel better.”

Parse shrugs, but he lies back down on the bed when Jeff asks him to try to go back to sleep. He falls asleep while Jeff rubs his back with one hand and texts Mama with the other.

***

The media spots Mama in the stands before either Jeff or Kent see her. That has to be because of how much Parse tweets each time they visit, because in all the years he’s played, neither of his moms have gotten any attention at his games. That’s how it works when you never make the playoffs and always play on the third or fourth line.

“Swoops, your Mama came all the way to Canada for you?” Reaper asks.

“Well, she has two sons almost in the playoffs now,” Davy says, pushing Parse as he skates by.

“You didn’t have to make your mom come,” Parse says even though he’s smiling.

“Make is an extreme word. I said you wanted someone at the game and I’d buy her a plane ticket. She said okay.”

“You mean you told her I was upset Bob and Alicia weren’t coming so she said she’d come.”

“It was somewhere in the middle. But the point is that she wanted to be here for you, okay? I didn’t make her come. I told her you needed some extra support and at that point she would have come even if I told her not to.”

“Guess we have to win for her then.”

“It’d be fun,” Jeff says, “But I have a lot of evidence that if you lose a lot and don’t score and don’t make the playoffs, she loves you just as much.”

***

Parse wakes more tired and groggy than usual after the game in Montreal, but even the trainers assume it’s just the extra stress of the end of the season. He sleeps the whole way back to Vegas and wakes up feeling worse when they land. It’s Jeff’s Mama who takes one look at him and fusses until he agrees to go to the doctor.

He ends up with bronchitis, and he’s ordered to rest instead of practice so Mama stays. The media notices he’s not at practice for two days and the rumors start flying even though the coaches say he’s expected to play in Thursday’s game.

He does play. He’s slower than normal, but slower for Parse is still faster than most people and they’re too close to making the playoffs to force him to stay home when he gets two assists on Davy’s goals playing half-dead. After they win at home against the Schooners and then the Rangers, Parse is sent home and scratched for the next two games on the road.

“We don’t want to play the Sharks,” Parse says when they tell him. “I should play.”

“We need you better for the playoffs,” Coach Day tells him. “The playoffs are rough. We need you then. We’ll do what we can for you until then.”

Jeff goes on the roadie without Parse, but he worries less because Mama stays in Vegas. If anyone can force Parse to rest until his body recovers, it’s Mama. He texts Jeff incessantly after Davy tells him to get off the teamchat and go to sleep. If Jeff texts Mama to make him rest, she won’t tell on him.

Parse ends up scratched for all three games on the road, but that just makes the team fight harder and they win two of the three without him. When Jeff gets home, he’s eating normal food again and he sounds a lot better.

“Coach says you can check in Sunday morning and they’ll decide if you can skate then,” Jeff tells him.

“I’m not even sick anymore,” Parse says.

“They just want a doctor to decide that.”

“Your Mama probably wants to go home.”

“Please, if she hadn’t already been here, she would’ve driven up as soon as I told her you were sick.”

“You don’t have to do that. I’ve been sick by myself plenty of times.”

“I would’ve worried. And we would’ve lost at least one more game.”

“I did see your assists.”

“The guys had to admit hanging out with you actually is making me better.”

“Glad I’m doing something for you besides being an overly needy roommate.”

Jeff shoves him and then pulls him back and wraps his arm around him.

“Shut up. You’re my friend. I like having you here. Maybe I like having Kit here too.”

“Kit is awesome. Kit is the best cat ever.”

“Glad we agree on something.”

“I told you you’d love her, too.”

“Also, unless you want her to go to a hotel so we have space, there’s no way Mama is going home tomorrow.”

“I’m fine.”

“I know but I’ve never made the playoffs in my entire career. She’s going to every single game. Mom is going to go to as many as she can. They already have plans to take turns wearing our jerseys.”

“They don’t have to wear mine.”

“Go ahead. Try to talk them out of it. See how that goes.”


	9. Chapter 9

Because they're assholes and they want to kill the entire team's celebration the day before the playoffs start, reporters make sure every single player who hasn't been to the NHL playoffs before is reminded about it. They also ask Davy if he's worried about leading such an inexperienced team. They ask both Davy and Coach Day if they think Parse can handle the pressure. They even ask Coach Day if he's doing anything to make sure Parse is "under control." Of course, Parse talks to both his publicist and Bad Bob before the media gets to him, so he gives good answers even if he pushes himself so hard in practice that he gives in to Mama's excessive mothering and lets her take care of him so he only has to take care of Kit.

Jeff knows he's never been more exhausted than he is during the first round of playoffs. He's not used to playing as much as required with every game going into overtime. It's worse for Parse who plays a total of 44 minutes in game five only for them to lose. Coach Day only allows the press a couple questions before he sends Parse to the showers. Parse leans on Jeff the whole way to the hotel and climbs into Jeff's bed without even pulling back the blanket on his own bed. Jeff rubs his back as he cries himself to sleep. In the morning, he wakes up just enough to get dressed and get on the plane before cuddling under Jeff's arm and passing out again.

Coach Day and Davy get up and trade seats with Carnie and Hopper as soon as they're at a safe altitude so they're sitting across the aisle.

"How's he holding up?" Coach asks. "Is he getting sick again?"

"He's not sick. He's just exhausted," Jeff says even though part of him wants to claim Parse is sick just to get him time off. They'd send him to the doctor before they let him skip practice anyway. And he'd have to have an injury he absolutely couldn't play through for anyone to talk about taking him out of a game.

"How's he doing mentally?" Davy asks.

"He's as stressed as the rest of us and he's trying to carry the whole team when he can't grow a playoff beard yet. I think he's doing well considering." Jeff looks down to double check that he's still fast asleep.

"Is there anything we can do that we can actually do?" Coach asks.

"If you limit the press even more, it wouldn't hurt."

They both nod and sit back. Jeff closes his eyes to get his own nap in.

***

Making it to the semi-finals is such a relief that the whole team has energy to celebrate their wins, but no one argues when the coaches suggest they think about what’s at stake before staying out late after a home game. Parse turns down the guys offers of drinks like he’s afraid of what will happen. When Jeff asks, he brushes it off and says he’s doesn’t want to go home drunk with Mama in the apartment.

The games are still tough, but the only hit Parse doesn’t jump back up from is from is only because the whistle is blown as soon as the octopus knocks him over. Reaper looks around pissed as fuck because he can’t figure out who to fight for that while Parse laughs and Davy calms Reaper down. They have a three-goal lead and there’s only a few minutes left in the third, so they could probably handle a penalty, but Davy doesn’t like anyone fighting without a real reason. Best of all, Parse gets a fun interview out of it. Reaper jumps in and insists that not only would he fight an octopus for Parse, he would win the fight.

***

Jeff’s not sure if the Conference finals start out worse than the first round or not. On one hand, they get their asses handed to them in the first two games so badly that there’s no chance of overtime. On the other hand, when they lose by one goal and still can’t even fight into overtime in the third game, Parse throws his helmet across the locker room. Davy says something, but Parse just shrugs and everyone directs their worried looks at Jeff. He goes directly into his room when they get home without saying anything. When Jeff knocks, he asks to be alone.

The next morning, he comes out with _Fight Harder_ written on his arm and he tells everyone at morning skate that they’re winning game four. Everyone knows he was an alternate captain on his team in juniors, but it’s the first time they’ve gotten a glimpse of why all season. He gets the puck in the first three minutes and out skates everyone to score without any assists. That rallies the rest of the guys and even if they have to fight for the entire game, they get to overtime and Davy gets them home. The press asks Davy what happened and he gives a typical media answer, but later on his twitter, he writes, _I always tell my kids they can’t win something just because they say so. @KentParsonOfficial had to make me a liar._

Kent steps up and pushes the whole team and it’s working so Davy steps back and lets him even if he stays close. Parse seems stronger than he ever has, but Jeff knows Davy’s watching for him to crash just like Jeff is. They’re both too scared to ask where he’s getting so much drive all of the sudden, but Jeff overhears him telling Mama, “If this is all I have left, I’m not losing it. We’re winning the cup. I’m going to win this for the guys and for Zimms.”

“Don’t say anything to him. Worry about Parse and the games,” Davy says when Jeff finds out Bad Bob will be at the finals.

Parse is so fucking excited that Bob’s finally at a game and Mama has already stopped Jeff from pointing out that if Bob really cared, he’d show up at the home opener like Jeff’s moms. He wouldn’t make Parse wait until the fucking Stanley Cup finals.

They win the first game and lose the second game in the last minute. Still, Parse insists that they’re going to win the cup and being home for game three is enough for them to fight the Flyers until overtime. Jeff doesn’t hear what chirp pushes Parse into saying something stupid enough to get a Flyer twice his size to get a penalty in overtime, but Parse stops Reaper from fighting for him and insists the advantage is worth it. Parse ends the game twenty seconds into the power play.

Later, while Parse is busy with press, Reaper pulls him aside.

“Hey. I swear I’ll watch out for him next game, but it was about Zimmermann. And it was pretty bad.”

“So bad you’re not even going to tell me?”

Reaper shrugs.

“I wanted to kill him, and it’s my job. I don’t want to hold you back from storming their locker room.”

“You know, Bad Bob might still be in the building.”

Reaper swears he doesn’t even have Bad Bob’s number, but Bob’s commentary reaches a new level of bias during the fourth game even before Parse takes a hit in the first period that gets him pulled in the back to be checked out. He comes back in the third period, but they’re already three goals down. When they get to the last thirty seconds, Reaper beats the shit out of the guy from the night before just to make a point.

Game five is a mess of penalties that no one enjoys. The Flyers get a goal in the first period and then no one can get anything. It feels like everyone is taking hits on both sides. Carnie and Reaper are doing everything they can to give Parse space, but every shot he gets is blocked. Finally, by some miracle or maybe just because the Flyers have decided the fourth line is useless, Matty passes to Jeff at just the right time for Jeff to tap it in. He’s pretty sure everyone is as shocked as he is and his moms are probably going so crazy that he’ll be embarrassed later. It’s not like he’s never gotten a goal or he wouldn’t be here, but it’s the playoffs. When he gets to the bench, Parse hugs him and says he’s going to win it for them now. Technically, Popcorn gets the goal, but Parse has the assist so they all agree that it counts. Later, someone shows him the footage of Parse’s actual reaction to Jeff’s goal and it’s so overblown, it’s as if he’d won them the cup instead of getting one goal.

Game six almost feels like the Flyer’s have given up, or they just don’t want it as bad as the Aces do. The Aces stay one goal ahead from the first goal by Davy in the first period until Parse shoots it into an empty net at the end of the third. Davy gets the cup first and then hands off to Reaper who hands it off to Parse. Jeff doesn’t care how long it takes to get to him. It’s his and he honestly never thought he’d be hoisting it up.

It’s not until after the celebration and press and even showers that he notices Parse sneaking off on his own and follows. He stays back while Parse hugs Bad Bob and beams at his congratulations. He doesn’t step forward until Bad Bob asks him to. Jeff grips harder than needed as they shake hands even though he’s sure Bob could still beat him in a fight.

“Thanks for taking care of him,” Bob says.

“Someone had to. It obviously wasn’t going to be you.”

“Swoops. What the fuck?” Parse steps between them, but Bob puts his hand on Kent’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, kid,” Bob says. “He gets to say that.”

“Can you just not be a dick right after we won the cup?” Kent says, but when Jeff reaches for him, he lets Jeff wrap an arm around his shoulders.

“The guys want to go out obviously,” Jeff says to Bob, “But if you’re still in town tomorrow, you should come over to dinner. My moms are definitely making us cook for them, so it might not be edible.”

He expects Bob to turn down the invitation and the way Parse shifts just little closer tells him that Parse does too, but Bob nods and promises to text Kent in morning before saying goodbye for the night.

“Come on kid. I’m only letting you drink two of the drinks these guys are going to buy you, so choose wisely,” Jeff says as he pulls Parse back toward the locker room.

“That’s really unfair.”

“You’ll just have to win the cup again when you’re 21.”

“So, you’ll let me drink whatever fits in the cup then?”

“Four? Or we could just say you get two more drinks each time you win the cup.”

“Do you want me to die of alcohol poisoning? Because that’s what will happen eventually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing against any of the teams mentioned. They just happened to be who the Aces played for the Cup using the brackets I used so the playoffs made sense to me. The Flyers player mentioned is an OC and is not meant to be anyone in real life. He plays for the Flyers just because the Flyers were playing for the Cup this year and that's when I wanted him to show up. I'll move him to the Schooners later so he's obviously an OC.
> 
> There are alternate POVs of this chapter that I'll post as deleted scenes. (Kent and Reaper.) If you want to get updated about those when I post, subscribe to the series I think.
> 
> Thanks for all the great feedback! It's all so sweet.


	10. Chapter 10

It’s stupid to think winning the Cup will solve any of Parse’s real problems, but it’s less that Jeff thinks it fixes anything and more that once Parse decided they were going to fight to the end, he stopped crying at night and switched to a laser focus on the cup.

Bob comes to dinner the day after the win and it goes better than Jeff expected. Then Jeff’s moms go home and they clean out their lockers and finish exit interviews. When Jeff gets to the point of calling Thomas for off-season training, Parse has already called for himself without Jeff reminding him. Matty and Hopper ask him to go to Florida for a week with them, but Parse says he’d rather spend his time off with Jeff and his moms at their house.

Then the first day they’re back in Vegas, before they even start off-season training, Parse picks a stupid fight with him.

Jeff isn’t even sure how it becomes a fight. He notices Kit’s food supply is getting low and asks Parse if he should pick some up when he goes to the store or if Parse already put in an order for delivery.

And Parse snaps that he was going to stop buying so much at a time so he doesn’t have to move so much when he moves out. Then he says he’s going to go look at cars so Jeff doesn’t have to drive him everywhere. Did Jeff not realize when Bob told that embarrassing story about teaching him to drive that he did learn how to drive at the end of it?

Parse leaves and comes back with a ridiculous yellow sports car Jeff is sure he didn’t put enough thought into.

“I know you didn’t get the performance bonuses that I did, but I can kind of buy whatever I want,” Parse says before going to his room and slamming the door.

Jeff calls his moms. He tries not to call them too much about Parse without Parse’s permission, but he’s lost and if he doesn’t call them first then he’s going to scream something he can’t take back. Ten months ago, he expected Kent Parson to show up and act like this, but now that it’s happening it doesn’t make sense.

His moms listen like they always do and he expects Mama to jump in first. She’s spent the most time with Parse and she’s gotten him to start calling her Mama. But after a few moments of silence that makes Jeff wish he’d used Skype, it’s Mom who speaks first.

“Do you think anyone made him think he had to move?” she asks. “Because he sounds like he’s announcing it because he thinks he has to. And while buying a car isn’t a bad idea if he’s going to move, and he can easily afford it, it sounds like he’s not doing it for the right reasons. Honestly, I’m not surprised something is going on with him. He so obviously pushed everything down to focus on playoffs. I just didn’t think it would be like this.”

“I know I didn’t tell him he had to move out. I don’t want him to move out.”

“Try to start there,” Mom says. “I don’t think it’s going to solve everything. I still think you shouldn’t be doing this by yourself and now that the seasons over, he has time to see someone. But I know he doesn’t want to, so maybe start with this issue. But if he starts yelling, calmly tell him you’ll talk when he calms down again. Don’t let him take it out on you.”

"Mom, I can handle it.”

“I doubt that, but in this case, that’s not the point. Just because he’s hurting doesn’t mean he should hurt you back, and you can’t just let him use you as a punching bag.”

Jeff’s glad she can’t see him rolling his eyes out of habit. She’s not wrong, but sometimes he wishes she’d sound less like a pamphlet. Then again, he called her, so he agrees to try before they hang up.

When he goes to Parse’s door, he’s no longer banging around and it’s quiet. He taps the door a couple times before he speaks.

“Parse? Can I come in?”

The “yeah” he gets is quiet, but it’s there so he opens the door.

The room is a mess that he’s sure it wasn’t in the morning. Clothes are pulled out of drawers and tossed on the end of the bed and on the chair in the corner of the room. Britney Spears is playing from Parse’s laptop before he reaches over to turn it off. Parse is in the center of the bed holding Kit and his eyes are rimmed red.

“Can I sit?” Jeff asks. Parse nods, and Jeff moves a pile of clothes from the bed to the chair so there’s room for him to sit on the bed in front of Kent.

“Do you want to move out?” Jeff asks. “Because you can if you want obviously, but I wasn’t expecting you to.”

“I’m not a rookie anymore,” Parse says.

“So? Hooks still lives with Davy, and it’s going to be three years next year.”

“I thought you wanted me to move. Hooks asked…”

“Why would I tell Hooks if I wanted you to move and not you?”

Parse looks down at Kit and sighs.

“I guess he didn’t say that. He just asked if I was buying a giant house with my bonuses since I know I’m not getting traded.”

Jeff sighs. Hooks probably had no idea the drama he’d caused by just joking around.

“I don’t want you to move,” Jeff says. “You can whenever you want to obviously, but you can stay here as long as you want.”

“Ok.”

“And when you move, I’m hoping you let me go with you to look at places.”

“Instead of going out and buying the first fancy house I see?” Kent groans and buries his face in Kit’s fur.

“I think buying a house is more complicated than a car anyway.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Did you try to buy a house and it took too long?”

“I can’t even return the car. I think I saved this girl’s job and it will get her in trouble. Fuck. I don’t want that car.”

“You could probably change it for something else,” Jeff says as he moves to sit next to Parse and put his arm around him. Kit bumps his hand with her head until he scratches under her neck.

“Yeah. Tomorrow after training?”

“Sure.”

“I’m sorry I freaked out and yelled at you.”

Jeff stops short of saying it’s okay because he knows Mom wouldn’t approve.

“I forgive you,” he says instead.

***

The next week Parse goes out and makes out with a random guy at a club before freaking out and calling Jeff in a panic to come get him. He calls his publicist, but he’s still drunk, so Jeff talks to her. Parse is pretty sure the guy had no idea who he was, and it was dark. The other guy was drunk too he says. Claire says she’ll keep an eye out for news, and they’ll make a plan just in case the next day. Jeff sleeps in his bed because it takes so long to calm him down.

In the morning, Parse is still upset so Jeff talks him into Skyping their moms. He realizes just after he says “ _our_ moms” what he’s said, and he’s sure that his slip is why Parse agrees.

Neither of them looks surprised when Parse comes out to them, but they say all the right things anyway. Mama calms him down the best she can and points out that it’s been hours, and if Claire had a reason to worry, she’d call right away and not wait until the meeting. Hockey is a niche kind of famous and in Vegas, Parse could probably go out in his own jersey and still not be important enough to get harassed with all the other celebrities that go in and out of the city.

Mom asks if they can talk again that night after the meeting is over.

Claire is all business, but she isn’t harsh so Jeff still likes her. She asks if Parse wants to come out if the story becomes public and makes it clear that whatever he wants, she’ll work with it. He says no, and she nods.

“It wasn’t specifically a gay club. You can say he kissed you and you’re not a homophobe, so you weren’t mean about it and then you left the club shortly after. Honestly, I think that’s fine to just leave it at that. You’re young. You weren’t so physically drunk that you were sloppy. And it will make you look good that you didn’t freak out on the guy and get mad. Just keep me updated if you hear anything, and I’ll keep a look out and prepare a statement in case we need it. Don’t make a statement without talking to me.”

When they report back to his moms, Parse is much calmer. Which is probably why Mom brings up therapy again.

“I don’t want to,” Parse says like he always does.

“Have you ever tried it?” Mom asks.

Parse is quiet but he nods.

“It didn’t go well?” Mama asks.

“I went with my parents. He just kind of agreed with them about everything.” Parse says.

“He tried to tell you to be straight too?”

“Oh. We didn’t even talk about that. He just you know, agreed I was being difficult and stuff.”

Jeff’s only been to therapy for a bit when he was teenager, but he can tell the story makes as little sense to his moms as it does to him.

“Would it help if someone went with you?” Mama asks. “Any of us would, and we’d always understand if you wanted us to leave or just wanted to leave early in general.”

Parse agrees to think about it, but Jeff’s not sure he means it. Either way, they drop it for the time being.

***

Jeff’s on a date when Mom calls. He silences his phone without looking the first time it rings because he’s not an asshole. Also, even though she doesn’t seem too interested, Matty spent all season talking about how Jeff had to meet his older sister Andi when she came to visit for the summer. And she’s great even if Jeff is getting more of a friendly vibe than a romantic one.

When the phone rings again a minute later, she laughs.

“At least look at it,” she says. “I don’t want to feel like a jerk if it’s important.”

“Sorry. I should answer. It’s my mom. She, um, she knows I’m on a date so she wouldn’t call if it wasn’t important,” he admits. Matty probably warned her about how close he was to his moms anyway.

“Honey, I’m so sorry,” Mom says when he picks up. “I know you’re on a date, but I also know you’d want me to call you.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Did Kent tell you he was going to a party?”

“He was home when I left. We have training in the morning,” Jeff says.

“He’s trending on twitter. Your mama is about to drive up and go find him herself, but obviously you’re closer. You should look yourself, but she’s already figured out where he is. There’s a lot of pictures.”

“I’ll look, and I’ll go,” Jeff says, already reaching for his wallet so he can leave money for the dinner he isn’t finishing. “Text me the info she found about where he is.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeff says when he hangs up.

“It’s okay,” Andi says. “I know real emergency face when I see it.”

Jeff apologizes again and gets up. If Matty is mad, he can get mad at Parse.

The party was easy to track down because it’s at a sorority house at the University of Las Vegas. Jeff feels shitty for being relieved that even though there are clear pictures of Parse drinking and walking around with his shirt off, all the pictures Jeff sees on a quick search at least feature him with girls draped over him. He will stand by Parse if he ever wants to come out, but he’s sure Parse doesn’t want it to happen like this. He calls Claire from the car and she says that she’s aware, but Parse isn’t answering her calls. It’s her job to clean up the mess the best she can. It’s not her place to call Jeff, and it’s not her job to drag Parse out of the party herself.

He gets in the house without a problem and pushes through the crowd to the backyard. There’s a slip ‘n slide set up and drinks everywhere. He finds Parse taking a body shot off a girl in a bikini. Jeff’s seen him drunk a few times, but this is the first time he’s been completely wasted. The girl pulls the lime out from her lips seconds before Parse goes for it and kisses him deeply instead. Jeff waits until they’ve pulled away before walking up to them. There are clearly camera phones everywhere and the last thing he wants is the story turning into Parse having a drunken fight with him. Parse frowns when he sees Jeff for just second before pasting on a fake smile.

“Dude. You didn’t ditch Matty’s sister. That’s so not cool.”

Jeff wraps an arm around his shoulders and tries to keep his face neutral as he leans closer so only Parse can hear him.

“Mom called me. I’m not sure how long Mama’s been driving, but I think you’d rather leave with me than have Mama show up and drag you out of here.”

Technically, Jeff knows they still have over three hours, but he’s hoping Parse can’t think that well at the moment. Parse turns to face him.

“Why would your Mama even drive here?” he asks.

“Because there’s pictures of you drinking all over twitter.”

“Good.”

“You want my moms to see lots of pictures of you drunk with your shirt off?”

“Not your moms.” Parse frowns and leans his head on Jeff’s shoulder.

“Well, it’s too late for that,” Jeff says. “But if we leave now, you’ll be closer to sober when she gets to the apartment.”

Parse takes longer than Jeff would like saying goodbye to all the partiers. He would have thought Parse had signed everything and taken all the pictures possible by the time he got there, but apparently not.

“Give me your keys,” Jeff says as they leave the house.

“Dude, how did you get here?”

“I realized as I was leaving that you’d need me to drive your car home and I had to have Andi drive me here.”

“Wow. She’s going to tell Matty you were the worst date ever.”

***

Parse at least makes it into the apartment before he pukes. He does not make it to the toilet the first time and pukes all over the kitchen floor. Jeff’s sure his moms would say to make Parse clean it up himself, but Kit might start eating it. If Parse tries to not apologize for puking on the floor, Jeff’s going to bring that up. He’s still in the bathroom when Jeff finishes and goes to find him. He’s sitting on the floor, his face streaked with tears, leaning his head against the tub. Kit’s walking around him and pawing at him, but he’s too miserable to calm her down.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking stupid,” Parse says before sitting up quickly. At least he makes it to the toilet this time. Jeff rubs his back until he’s finished and hands him a glass of water when he sits back.

“I ruined your date. Matty’s not going to pissed at you. He’s going to be pissed at me.”

“She’s not mad. I don’t think she was into me anyway, but she’s not mad.”

“You should be mad.”

“It’s hard to be mad when you’re this pathetic,” Jeff says. “Also, Mama says she’s worried, and she’s still coming, so I get to be the nice one.”

That was definitely the wrong thing to say because Parse starts crying.

“Hey, hey,” Jeff says as he moves to sit on the floor next to him and wrap him in a hug. “I’m kidding. They’re worried. I’m worried. We’re all worried because we care, okay? We care and we don’t know what’s going on with you. I thought you were fine when I left.”

“Why? You’re just going to realize I’m not worth it.”

“No. That’s bullshit. That’s not happening.”

“Everyone leaves. Everyone cares about someone else more.”

“I’m not leaving. Why would you think that?”

“You will though. You’ll get married and that will be more important. You’ll get sick of me. And they’re your moms. Not mine.”

“Okay. I went on one date. I’m not leaving you to get married. And even if I did get married, that doesn’t mean I’m ditching you.”

“You will if she wants you to.”

“I will not,” Jeff says. “I would not marry someone shitty enough that she told me to ditch you. And my moms will not get sick of you. Why do you think they called me? They were worried. They were worried and they figured out where you were. And they interrupted my date because they knew I’d want them to, okay?”

When Parse doesn’t answer, Jeff just pulls him closer.

“Help me out here. Is this because I went on one date?”

“No,”

“Did something happen or did you just decide you wanted to party?”

“Jack’s going to college,” Kent says.

“Jack’s going to college?”

“He’s going to college. I read it online. It’s not made up. I asked Bob, and he just avoided the question and said to worry about myself.”

“Are you upset he’s going or upset you found out online?”

“No one even tried to tell me.”

Jeff sighs and tries to think of what his moms would say.

“I’m sorry. I know all of this sucks. But you know he’s not your boyfriend anymore. It sucks, and you can be upset, but he doesn’t have to tell you.”

“He wasn’t just my boyfriend,” Kent says. “He was my best friend. I fucking lived with them two summers. Bob taught me how to fucking drive, and now he can’t come to my games if it makes Jack upset.”

Jeff doesn’t know what to say to that. The whole thing is just a huge fucking mess that would probably not be that way if Kent’s parents weren’t fucking douchebags who cared more about their reputations than their son.

“Everyone has their own people. Jack’s parents are Jack’s parents. Your moms are yours first. They’re always going to be yours first and if I fuck up, it’ll be just like last time.”

“That’s not going to happen okay? For one thing, you’d have to ax-murder me to get rid of me and my moms. Are you actually an ax-murderer?”

Kent shoves him lightly.

“No? Well then, I guess not. And you know what? My moms adopted me when I was two. And I don’t remember my birth parents, and I think that’s probably better. Because I asked my moms why I got taken away from them, and they told me the truth when I was twenty-one. They made me wait until I was older than you because they didn’t want to hurt me, okay? They only told me because they didn’t want me to keep digging and find out alone. So, I don’t think it matters if you’re two or eighteen, I’m pretty sure they know your parents are shitty, and they’re just waiting for you to accept this adoption all the way.”

“It’s not the same.”

“When you first came to Vegas, I was worried you were going to be a stuck-up brat who fucked up my life, and they told me I’d always wanted a little brother so I should stop being a jerk about it. They wanted to adopt you before they met you.”

“I ruined your date. I got drunk at a college party, and I threw up on your kitchen floor. You were right then.”

“So you’re a brat sometimes. You’re not stuck up. And everyone fucks some shit up, but you do not fuck up my life. And we don’t ditch our family because sometimes it’s hard.”

“Until you remember I’m not really your family.”

“That’s not going to happen,” Jeff says. “If it takes years, we’re going to prove to you that you’re stuck with us.”

Instead of arguing, Parse jumps out of his arms to throw up in the toilet again.

***

By the time Mama gets to the apartment, Parse is passed out in bed, but it’s not horribly late. The party Parse found clearly started as a pool party in the afternoon. Jeff fills her in on what he’s figured out.

“You know, I’ve never understood how parents can be that way, but then again, your Mom hadn’t spoken to her parents in a year when I met her, and she still hasn’t. Maybe if she tells him that, he’ll at least believe her when she says she’s not going anywhere.”

“Maybe. Can she come up next weekend?”

“She’s working on rescheduling to try and get here Friday.”

“I don’t know how to help him. He’s fine, and then he’s not. If I’d been home tonight…”

“Honey, there’s no way that’s your fault. You can’t stay with him all the time just in case something sets him off. It would make you both go crazy. and he’d worry about being a burden more than he already does. It was just bad timing. I don’t think he really minds you dating.”

“No, I know. He was chirping about me being related to Matty earlier.”

“Good. We’ll let him rest and talk when he’s feeling better.”

“Can you go sit with him?” Jeff says. “I need to call someone, and I don’t want him to wake up and hear me.”

She gives him a questioning look but she nods and goes to sit by the bed.

Jeff steps out onto the balcony and finds Bad Bob’s contact for the first time.

“You called because he’s upset, didn’t you,” Bob says when he answers.

“You knew, and you haven’t even tried to call me,” Jeff says.

“Someone sent me some links. By that time, someone else had also tweeted that a friend of his came to get him from the party.”

“And you still didn’t give him more than a couple texts when he asked you.”

“I couldn’t get away. Some things have been going on here too,” Bob says. “And you know I care about him, but Jack doesn’t have to tell him things.”

“No. He doesn’t,” Jeff agrees. “But you could make it a little less obvious that he’s always second to Jack. Or maybe just fucking admit it. Because that way it is, you’re just yanking him back and forth.”

“What exactly do you think I could’ve done? I couldn’t tell him. If I could control the media to protect these kids, I would have done that a long time ago.”

“You could’ve said something to me. You didn’t even have to tell me. You could have warned me to be on the lookout for a few days so I didn’t go on a date the day he found out online! Instead, _I_ found out because _my_ parents saw pictures of him drinking online. By the time I got there, he was already wasted,” Jeff says. “If you could’ve just given me some kind of warning, he wouldn’t’ve been crying on the bathroom floor and taking about how no one really loves him in between throwing up for an hour! He fucking worships you for no reason that you deserve as far as I can tell, and you can’t even give a heads up to someone who does care about him that there might be a problem? He would’ve still been upset, but he didn’t have to be _alone_.”

If someone had told Jeff a year ago that he’d yell at Bad Bob Zimmermann, he would have admitted that Bob intimidated him too much for that. Now he pauses only because he wants to be sure Bob is still listening.

“I’m sorry.”

“You can tell him that if you want, but it’s still not good enough. He’s a kid. And I spent an hour trying to convince him that not everyone in his life will eventually abandon him for someone they love more than him. And he still doesn’t believe me.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Bob says.

“If you care about him at all, next time you think something might make him spiral like this, text me so someone who actually loves him can be there for him.”

Jeff hangs up on him. He doesn’t feel better, and he knows his Mama would say he was too harsh if she overheard, but she didn’t sit on the bathroom floor for an hour with Parse insisting everyone eventually leaves him and they will too.

Mama doesn’t say anything when he comes back in the room so he figures he wasn’t loud enough to be heard inside.

“You should sleep. He’s going to be hungover in the morning, but he’ll be happy you’re here. Well, he’ll be worried you’re upset with him, but maybe after that doesn’t make you leave, it’ll help,” Jeff says.

“You should sleep, too,” Mama says.

“I will.”

“You’re sleeping in here aren’t you?”

“He has nightmares.”

Mama smiles and kisses his forehead before she leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I actually think Bob is a great guy. There is just nothing he can really do better in this situation. And Jeff knows this. But he also is dealing with the fall out, so...


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a huge note at the end of this chapter. If you find mental health stuff triggery, you might want to read that first. There is talk events that happened in canon including Jack's overdose.

Parse is awake when Jeff wakes up, but he’s still in the bed.

“You didn’t have to stay with me,” Parse says when he sees that Jeff’s awake.

“You cried for almost a solid hour. Did you really think I was going to leave you alone?” Jeff says. “I’ve never seen you that upset.”

Parse groans.

“I was drunk. Fuck. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal. It’s _not_ that big of a deal.”

“I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse.”

“Why would it be worse?”

“If you’d been drunk when you were more upset, would it have been worse than that?”

“I don’t know.” Parse hits him with a pillow and groans.

“Fuck. Is your mama here? Please tell me I made that up in a nightmare,” Parse says as he takes the pillow back and hides under it.

“Funny thing about the internet. If you let people take a bunch of pictures of you drunk at a party because you want Zimmermann to see them? Other people see them too.”

“I can’t look at your Mama. I’m never leaving this room.”

“Do you honestly think I’ve never done stupid shit before? This isn’t the worst thing. She’s mostly worried because she knows you get upset about stuff like that later. It’s not great, but there’s teenagers everywhere whose parents find their drunk Facebook pictures. I missed Facebook by just a few years and I’m so happy. It also helps that when I was eighteen, I was in the minors and to this day, no one gives a shit if I got drunk.”

“You didn’t get drunk and then have a total breakdown on the bathroom floor,” Parse says from under the pillow.

“She actually missed all of that. You were asleep by the time she got here.”

“Thank god. I’m never drinking again. I need five showers.”

“Mom wants us to Skype her later.”

Parse just groans, and Jeff pulls the pillow off him.

“It’ll be okay. They’re not mad.”

“They’re not mad; they’re disappointed?” Kent says. “That’s so much worse.”

“It’s more like, they’re not mad. They’re worried.”

“Because it’s me. If it was you, they’d be disappointed. I’m a disaster anyway, so they’re just worried.”

“If it was me, they’d tell me if I hooked up, the girl better’ve been sober enough to consent, and then they’d laugh at me. It would be mortifying, I agree, but I would survive. They don’t actually care if you party and drink responsibly.”

“So, they care because they saw that and knew it would be a mess because I’m fucked up,” Kent says.

“Two years ago, I got dumped by my girlfriend, and Mama lived with me for three weeks. She came back four times, too. Your disaster circumstances are just different.”

“Thanks.”

“Also, you need to call Claire.”

“I’m never drinking again.”

***

Mama lets Parse get away with sneaking into the shower and getting dressed before he comes out to the living room of the apartment. Then she hugs him for a long time.

“Food first,” she says. “Then you can decide if you want to call your publicist before or after we Skype Mom.”

Parse doesn’t argue because he never argues with Jeff’s moms at all. Jeff used to think it was just because they don’t leave a lot of room for it. Now he wonders if it’s because Parse is worried they’ll leave if he does.

Parse decides to call Claire first of course. He pays her, so even when he makes her job difficult, he also makes her job more important, so she can’t get too mad. Well, for that matter, he pays her so she can’t get too mad in general. He does switch his emergency contact with her from Bob to Jeff—meaning either Bob lied about not knowing before Jeff, or he’s a shit emergency contact who doesn’t answer his damn phone. She says there’s not too much she can do to erase it, but it’s off-season and people don’t expect him to be a saint. She’ll find a couple positive events for him to do so he gets some positive press and let him know. Also, if he wants pictures like this to go away faster, he should keep his damn shirt on. Or just let her know, and she’ll see about getting him in the ESPN body issue so those pictures come up first.

“You’re sure she’s not mad?” Parse asks before they call Mom.

“Mama said she wasn’t. She wouldn’t lie,” Jeff tells him.

“Well, I guess Skype is better if she is anyway. It’s not like she can slap me over the computer,” Parse says and walks out of his bedroom before Jeff can point out that neither of his moms would ever hit anyone. It’s probably better if he never meets Parse’s parents. What he knows about them makes Bad Bob look a lot better.

“You understand we’re not upset about you drinking. You’re nineteen, and it’s not legal but we’re not stupid,” Mom says when the call connects. “We’re worried because you weren’t drinking _responsibly_. You drank a lot if it made you so sick, and you didn’t have a safe way to get home. You didn’t even know anyone at that party.”

“I know. But I wouldn’t drive. I would’ve called Jeff or Matty. I promise. I called Jeff to come get me last time I went out.”

“That doesn’t make it responsible,” Mom says because she’s never been one to let her kids off easy. “You should tell someone where you’re going. Even if it’s not us. I know some of the other guys are still in town.”

“I promise I’ll at least tell Matty if it happens again.”

Mom nods. Then she gets the look on her face she always gets when she’s about to say something she knows Jeff doesn’t want to hear. Jeff feels a bit bad, but there’s no way to warn Parse with both his moms there.

“As for the pictures with the girls, we don’t want you to feel like there’s anything wrong with exploring anything sexually.”

“I swear I didn’t do anything more than kiss any of them,” Parse interrupts.

“That’s good because they all look way too drunk for that,” Mama adds.

“But that’s not what I was worried about because I’m sure you wouldn’t do that,” Mom says.

“I wouldn’t. With anyone if they were drunk. I know that,” Parse says.

“It’s just last time you did something like this, you seemed upset about it. If it was just because you thought you might get outed, then I get that. But I thought it was more.”

Parse glances at Jeff and then down at his hands.

“Do I have to talk about this?”

Parse looks up surprised when Mom says no.

“You didn’t do anything wrong just by kissing some girls—or that boy at the club as long as you were all okay with it,” Mama says. “And we want you to know that. Though it would make us feel better if there wasn’t alcohol involved. But we can stop talking about it if you don’t want to.”

“It would make us feel better if you’d talk to someone else though. About that maybe. Maybe about everything else that’s going on with you too,” Mom says. “If I do some research and send you some names, would you think about it? We’ll all help you if you need it.”

Jeff’s sure Kent agrees just so she’ll drop it again, but it’s a start.

***

The problem with Jeff not liking the new friends Kent made when he went to that first party is that he doesn’t have a good enough reason to push Kent to stop hanging out with them. Kent’s barely nineteen and he’s still going to be the youngest guy on the team. He turns down the college kids’ invites to parties until Hopper gets traded to the Aeros. Both of the kids they pick up in the draft are clearly going to need some time in the minors. And Kent only goes out to parties on Friday nights because their off day is Saturday. He takes cabs and doesn’t drink as much. The pictures that leak out aren’t anything that sticks in the media. It’s hard to say he’s partying too hard when Claire signs him up for charity events on Saturdays so there’s proof he’s not hung over. Jeff’s issue is that he doesn’t seem happy when he gets home.

When the same guy shows up in pictures with his arm around Parse three weeks in a row, Jeff tries to be subtle about his questioning. Parse’s eye roll tells him the subtlety was a failure.

“He’s just a friend. He just likes pictures. I’m not bringing him home to meet you. It’s not like that. They all think I’m straight.”

“And you’re not doing it on purpose to upset Jack?”

“He hasn’t called. He probably hasn’t even seen,” Parse says.

The second week of August, Parse breaks his pattern. At least he doesn’t throw up in the kitchen this time, and he calls Matty to come get him and take him home. But when Jeff asks Matty if he got sick on the way, Matty avoids answering the question and makes sure Parse doesn’t want him to stay before he leaves. Jeff doesn’t push. The last thing he wants is for Parse to not feel safe calling Matty to take him home. He’s drunk enough that he starts crying after he throws up.

“Chad read some stupid fan rumor about us. I told him they always write that shit and it doesn’t mean anything. He said he didn’t know how I put up with fans calling me a fag.”

“He’s a dick,” Jeff says.

“You don’t know the team would be any better, if they knew.”

“The entire team loves my moms.”

“That’s different. They’re your moms.”

“You totally didn’t ruin my date with Andi. She told Matty to stop setting her up unless he knew some lesbians.”

Kent laughs.

“He asked if I knew any lesbians who weren’t old. So, her coming out has changed nothing for Matty.”

“She’s not a guy, and she’s not in the locker room.”

“Well, even if they’re total dicks, they’re not going to give up their name on the cup because yours is next to it. And they’re not going to give up a chance to win it again.”

Parse nods. When Jeff walks him to his room, he doesn’t complain when Jeff tucks him in.

Parse was responsible enough to call Claire early in the night to postpone his plan to skate with a youth hockey camp, but a picture leaks of him letting some guy pour vodka directly from the bottle into his mouth. The Aces PR calls Parse and reminds him that he’s nineteen. They’d like it if he at least gave them the plausible deniability that came from drinking out of an unmarked cup. A couple of the younger guys chirp him on the teamchat, but the older guys are silent. Reaper texts Jeff and asks if Parse is okay. He has a kid who is only a few months old, but he still asks if Jeff needs help. Jeff says no. Parse doesn’t want any of the other guys to see him when he’s upset. Davy texts them both and asks them to come to dinner when he’s back from vacation.

Alex calls Jeff directly.

“Is he losing it?” Alex says. “Is he going to be a mess when we get back?”

“He’s going to off-season training just like he’s supposed to,” Jeff says. He can’t help putting an emphasis on _off-season_.

“He’s drinking every weekend and he’s not hiding it,” Alex says. “Look, I know you’re close to him. But I meant what I said last year. If it’s too much, and he’s out of control, we’ll make other arrangements. It’s not part of your contract to babysit him.”

“I’ll talk to him,” Jeff says.

“Great, now I’m fucking things up for you too,” Parse says when Jeff tells him that Alex called. Parse is still worried that they’re waiting until the season starts up to trade Jeff—that they’re waiting so they can be sure Jeff babysits him until he’s back with the Aces everyday again.

“If they want to trade me, they’ll do it anyway,” Jeff says for the millionth time. “If they’re keeping me for you, that’s only because I’m not costing them a lot of money in the first place and they don’t think they can get a trade that’s worth it.”

“They might decide I’m not worth it,” Parse says.

“I doubt that,” Jeff says. “And if they did, they’d be wrong. Also, it’s not like you did anything like this during the season. They’re going to at least wait and see if it’s a problem when the season starts. They’re not going to trade you because of something that _might_ be an issue.”

Kent nods and says he needs a nap. All this drama is giving him a headache.

A couple hours later, he comes out for dinner looking like he hasn’t slept at all.

“Can we Skype your Mom?” Parse asks. “She sent me an e-mail with all this info, but I don’t know where to start.”

“Of course.” Jeff texts her. She texts back that they’re out, but she’ll be home to Skype in half an hour.

“Do you want me to stay or leave you alone?” Jeff asks as Kent sets up his laptop on the coffee table. “Either way is fine.”

“I don’t think I can make myself go alone so you might as well stay for this,” Parse says. “I mean, if you still don’t mind going with me. If I go.”

“That’s a stupid question. Of course, I’ll go with you if you want. And if you want me to leave at any point, I will.”

Mom goes through the information she sent and explains the difference between a psychiatrist and a therapist.

“I don’t want to be on drugs,” Parse says.

“You don’t have to be,” Mom tells him.

“But I want to know if there’s a name for how messed up I am.”

Mom nods, and they agree that since Kent wants a diagnosis if there is one, he’ll start with a psychiatrist that Mom recommends. She offers to make a call to help set up an appointment, and Parse agrees. Jeff’s not sure if he’s more relieved or worried by how easily Parse agrees to everything.

***

The week before Parse’s first appointment, Jeff keeps expecting him to call the whole thing off. They don’t talk about it, and Parse tells his party friends that he has to start getting ready for the season. Jeff wonders if they’ll come to a single game if Parse doesn’t volunteer a handful of tickets on his own.

The day of the appointment, they go to training with Thomas and then come home to eat. Parse is quiet, but when it’s time to go, he just sighs and gets up. He’s quiet the entire ride to the office.

“If you want me to leave at any time,” Jeff says when they park outside the office. “It’s fine. I won’t ask questions and you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I’m not going to say anything unless you ask me to either. And if I stay, I won’t bring up anything you say in the office unless you bring it up, okay?”

“Okay,” Parse says. “Thanks.”

“Is there anything you want me to do specifically?”

“If I want to leave, get me out of there,” Parse says.

Jeff doesn’t say that he’s not a kid anymore, and he doesn’t need anyone’s help or permission to get up and walk out.

“I promise.”

They spend half an hour filling out paperwork. Parse lists Jeff as his emergency contact without hesitating.

Parse explains who Jeff is when they go in, and says he wants Jeff to stay. If he wants Jeff to leave, he promises to ask. When she asks him what he wants out of the session, Parse says, “I want to know what’s wrong with me.”

“Okay,” she says. “So, I’m going to ask you a lot of questions because if I don’t understand it, then we can’t really help you. And then I’ll take some time to put things together and we’ll have another appointment to talk about what I think is going on.”

“I have to come back again before I even know anything?” Kent asks.

“I’m going to have a lot of information to process and you’re probably not going to want to sit here for another hour even if I could do it right away. I can tell my assistant to schedule you for just a couple days if that helps.”

Kent agrees even though Jeff can tell he’s already frustrated.

It’s harder to stay quiet than Jeff thought it would be. He wants to say awful things about Parse’s parents. He’s sure his relief shows when Parse says his mom slapped him a few times for things, but never hit him very hard. Then he wants to point out that emotional abuse is still abuse even though he’s sure the therapist will do it at some point. Parse reaches toward him when he starts talking about Zimmermann, and he grips Jeff’s hand for the rest of the session while his voice stays an eerie monotone. His voice doesn’t crack until he talks about finding Jack on the bathroom floor. Jeff squeezes his hand. They’ve never talked about that night and nothing in the press ever said it was Kent who found him and called 911. He talks about coming to Las Vegas alone. He talks about the pressure of being the face of the Aces when he felt like he didn’t know what he was doing. He talks about Jeff and his moms and the team. It’s the one time he smiles.

He talks about the summer and how he always regrets the parties and the negative press, but he keeps doing it. He admits his parents have sent him e-mails after seeing the pictures. He pulls them up and Jeff has to hold his tongue. He’s sending his moms flowers when he gets home. They’d never shame him just like they’ve never shamed Parse, but Parse’s parents aren’t worried about _him_. They’re worried about how his drinking makes them look.

The psychiatrist listens and she takes notes. She asks questions about his emotions, and Parse keeps looking over at Jeff when he answers as if he needs Jeff to reaffirm his answers. Jeff can tell he’s getting irritated when she asks for more specifics and prods him to figure out what sets him off. Jeff could answer that one. Obviously, anything to do with Zimmermann or Kent’s parents sets Parse off. Obviously, whenever Bob makes it obvious he’s picking Jack over Kent, Kent also crashes. But Jeff promised not to talk unless Parse asked him to, so he just squeezes Kent’s hand and nods encouragingly when it looks like he needs support.

She asks about how he feels after the parties and making out with random people at clubs and Jeff’s sure he cringes when Parse says “dirty.” Parse isn’t looking at him then so at least if he reacts, it doesn’t matter.

When she asks him if he’s thought about hurting or killing himself, he looks at Jeff and then looks down. Jeff squeezes his hand and hopes he remembers Jeff’s offer to leave, but if he asks Jeff to leave now, Jeff’s going to assume the answer is yes anyway.

“Sometimes,” Parse says. “But I’m not going to do it. I’m not. I know what that does to people who care. I usually think about it when I’m at home, and then Jeff would have to find me. I’m not doing that to him.”

When it seems she’s finished asking questions, she asks Parse if there’s anything they didn’t talk about that he wants to add. He shakes his head.

Parse seems kind of out of it and checks with Jeff when they schedule another appointment in a couple days, even though they have just about the exact same schedule.

Parse doesn’t say anything until they’re on the way back to the apartment.

“I’m not going to kill myself. I swear. Please don’t freak out. I promised you I’d be honest, and she asked, and I couldn’t say I’ve never thought about it. But I’m not going to do it, okay? I know what it’s like to find someone passed out on the floor like that. I’m not doing that to you.”

“I know,” Jeff says. “It’s okay. Thanks for telling me, but I know.”

“Are you totally freaked out now about everything?” Parse asks, and Jeff wishes they weren’t in the car even though he suspects Parse is doing this in the car just so he doesn’t have to look at Jeff when he talks.

Jeff glances over at Parse, and sees him looking down and frowning.

“No, I’m not freaked out,” Jeff says. “I’ve been living with you for a year. Just because I didn’t know details doesn’t mean I didn’t know things were going on with you.”

“Okay.”

Jeff waits until they’re back at the apartment to pull Parse into a hug.

“We’re okay,” Jeff says. “Nothing you said in there is going to make us not okay. You’re my best friend, and my brother, and you’re stuck with my whole family, okay?”

Parse laughs and nods.

“Do you want to call Mom?”

“Later?” Parse says. “I feel like I need a nap.”

“Of course.”

Jeff lets him go and texts Mom that they’ll probably Skype her later tonight. He’s reading her response when a text comes through from Parse.

_Can you sit with me until I fall asleep?_

Jeff eases the door to Parse’s room open and closes it behind him. Parse is on his side facing away from him, but he’s left a space on the right side of the bed open for Jeff to sit. Jeff sits and reads until he can tell Parse has dropped off.

***

Parses comes out of his room two hours after he fell asleep and drops onto the couch next to Jeff.

“Is Mom going to be mad if we don’t call her tonight?”

“Of course not. I can text her, and tell her you’re too tired,” Jeff says. “I told her that you were pretty worn out earlier and she said she wasn’t surprised.”

“This shit is supposed to make me feel better. Not worse. And what the fuck kind of system is it where after three hours, I know nothing? They just want more money from another fucking hour of that shit.”

“Do you trust my mom?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I gave her a run down of how everything went without going into anything specific. Just how she asked you lots of questions and stuff. My mom said it seemed like she did a good job.”

“I still hate it,” Parse says.

“You want to watch a movie? Your pick.”

“Anything I want, and you won’t make fun of me tonight?”

“I never make fun of your movies. I know it upsets you,” Jeff says. “Or your music. So you can stop turning off the pop music as soon as I come in your room. I’m not going to make fun of that either.”

Parse blushes, but he gets up and comes back with a DVD and the blanket from his bed.

“No comments unless they are about how Britney is the most talented entertainer of our time,” Kent says as _Crossroads_ starts.

“I promise.”

Kent snuggles up to him without prompting and pulls the blanket over them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many notes I feel I need to make about this chapter.
> 
> First, if you came here just for content warnings: There is talk about Kent's parents being abusive and homophobic. There's mention of suicidal thoughts and a mention of Jack's overdose. None of this is graphic. There's also a character who expresses shame about his own sexual activity. (He is not shamed by anyone else specifically.)
> 
> I also wanted to note that Kent's feelings and thoughts about things are specifically those of the character. Even if Jeff and his moms are telling him that responsible sexual exploration is okay, that doesn't mean he feels okay about it. Also, it doesn't mean that he judges other people for doing those things.
> 
> The same thing applies to his feelings about therapy. Basically if someone told him that therapy was working for Jack and medication was working for Jack, Kent would be super supportive and think that was great. But he doesn't want to be on medication for a variety of reasons and he personally doesn't like therapy. Therapy is different for everyone. This how it is for Kent. This chapter and the next were co-written by a qualified mental health professional. Basically, she wrote most of the dialogue for the doctors and therapists and I just changed things a little when I wanted them to sound better. We wrote it in real time with me writing Kent's dialogue and her responding. Kent's kind of a brat and not a perfect patient but that's how he is.
> 
> Kent's past experience with therapy is based on mine. While he is not me and he didn't respond exactly like I did, that is what happened when my parents took me to family therapy. Some therapists are great. Some are awful. I've had a few from each side. It is what it is.


	12. Chapter 12

Parse spends the next two days distracted and restless. Training helps, even if Thomas has to stay on him to keep his attention. Still, he’s fidgeting so much in the car on the way to the office, that Jeff wants to reach over and stop him.

“What if she says I’m crazy?” Parse says when Jeff parks the car at the office. They’re early, so it’s not a big deal to take a few minutes.

“Then she’s a quack. Crazy is not a diagnosis.”

“What if she says I’m psychotic, and I’m going to murder my roommate?”

“Pretty sure that would also mean she’s doing something wrong,” Jeff says. “But we’ll just have some bars put on your room or something until you get better.”

“Asshole.”

“You know she’s not going to say you’re a serial killer.”

“Okay, probably not.”

“And nothing she says is going to make me kick you out of the apartment,” Jeff says. “But it’s always up to you if I stay in the room.”

Kent shrugs.

“What part of that are you not agreeing with?” Jeff asks. “Because where I stay is totally up to you. I can stay in the waiting room. You know that, right?”

“I know. I want you to stay. With me, I mean,” Parse says.

“Then get it in your head that she’s not going to say anything that will make me ditch you, okay?”

“Okay.”

Jeff gets out of the car because waiting is only going to stress Kent out. Luckily, they get called to the office only a few seconds after they sit down.

“Do you know anything about borderline personality disorder?” she asks after they get settled. Parse shakes his head and when he looks at Jeff, Jeff shakes his head too. It’s not like his mom came home and talked about her patients.

“Well, everyone has emotions. If we think of the intensity of our emotions on a continuum, some people have relatively few emotions. It takes a lot before they feel things, and when they do it passes quickly. Other people have stronger emotions that get triggered quickly and intensely. Based on what we talked about last time, it sounds like your emotions are on the more intense side a lot. Does that sound right?”

“Yeah,” Kent says. “Is that just a really nice way to say I overreact to everything?”

"That’s not exactly what I’m saying. And this isn’t always bad thing. There are some advantages to strong feelings. But sometimes people grow up in environments or experience things such that they don't learn to cope well, or regulate, their emotions. Emotion dysregulation can create lots of problems in people's lives—and when that happens over and over again in particular ways, we call it borderline personality disorder."

Kent nods, and Jeff nods with him.

"You told me that when your emotions get intense, you sometimes drink or have impulsive sex because it's easier than having feelings. That makes sense, and it works in the moment a little, but it also sounds like it causes some problems."

“Technically, I haven’t ended up having sex,” Parse points out.

She raises her eyebrows at him, and he sighs.

“Yeah, okay. Fine. I would if I was straight and could get away with it,” he admits.

“Strong emotions can also affect people in their relationships with others. You've mentioned you get really upset when you think people might leave you, or when they actually leave. Like when Hopper got traded. Or if someone won't call you back. That can be another piece of BPD…that the idea of being left is really distressing, and sometimes when you feel distressed like that you do things that don't always work, like saying mean things or texting or e-mailing someone continuously.”

Kent looks down and nods when she says this. He admitted to still e-mailing Jack even when he didn’t get a response in the last session and sometimes leaving Bob extra messages when he didn’t reply quickly. It took a lot for Jeff not to bring that up later, but he doesn’t think Parse will go to his next sessions alone, and he doesn’t want Parse to start lying because he’s there.

“We also talked about intense anger and difficulty controlling it, to the point where you often yell, sometimes at people you really care about. And sometimes you get into arguments and even fights that get you into trouble, both on and off the ice.”

As Kent nods, Jeff makes a mental note to ask Reaper if he knew how many fights Parse instigated. And if he did, why did Reaper not say more to Jeff about it? Then he remembers that he promised not to use any of the things he learned in therapy against Kent. This would probably break that rule in Parse’s opinion.

“So when your emotions are all over the place, and your behaviors are kind of all over the place as you try to cope with emotions, it can be hard to figure out your identity. You said that you act different depending on who you're with, and you often feel like you don't know who you are. That makes a lot of sense. You're different depending on the context and your emotions, and that can be confusing.”

She explains a few more things that Parse doesn’t argue with, and Jeff privately agrees with, and then gives Parse time to ask her whatever questions he has. She accepts that he doesn’t want medication, but tells him that he can come back to her if he has questions about it or changes his mind. Then she explains that she’d like to refer Parse to a therapist who has experience with BPD.

“So I have to do all this all over again?” Parse asks.

“Not exactly,” she explains. “You agreed to let me tape the sessions. So if you want to sign off, I can forward that and my notes. I’m going to refer you to a therapist I know named Caitlin Franklin. If you decide to schedule with her, I can send her everything when you ask. Or you can also look around for other therapists, now that you have a diagnosis to start with. I know you have someone helping you with the process and you might want to consult her first.”

Parse takes the information and fills out the paperwork just so he doesn’t have to come back if he doesn’t want to. He hands the card of the new therapist to Jeff like he’s not ready to look at it.

When they get home, Parse goes right to bed, and Jeff offers to sit with him before he asks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on this chapter. :)
> 
> Yes, this chapter was also co-written. My friend does not treat me because that's a conflict of interest and also she had not finished school when I was diagnosed and shit. But she's probably really good at her job I think. :)
> 
> No, Kent is probably not being 100% honest about stuff with Jeff there. But he'd probably lie about the same things and more if Jeff wasn't there so he says it doesn't matter.
> 
> Also, I'm not sure who the first author was to start writing Kent with BPD, but I have to say that before this happened and became a thing, I never saw positive portrayals of BPD in any media. This was amazing to me. (Yes, I have BPD. No, I'm not writing Kent exactly like myself because I'd feel weird about that.) Whether or not it's true in cannon doesn't really matter to me. It's just amazing to see that media created. And if you google it, (please don't!) almost all the resources are aimed at helping people deal with having a BPD person in their lives. It's basically pointless to look for help online unless you have direction because you'll see so much negativity before you find anything good. So I hope in writing this series, I give people something good when they see themselves represented in media.
> 
> And if you have someone with BPD in your life, I hope this helps you understand them better and help them and not just think they're a difficult person. <3\. Also, if anyone tells you that you can't really get much help for BPD, 7 years ago everyone basically thought I might die from it. Now I'm doing really well and I'm generally happy with my life. Kent is following a very different path than I did because I'm not a rich hockey player but I still use similar stuff to what he does in some ways. I'm not going to tell people that shit just magically gets better, but BPD is not some horrible thing that can never improve like the internet tells you.


	13. Chapter 13

Jeff is reading in bed when his phone buzzes. It’s their rest day, and Parse still seemed tired from the day before when he got up to eat breakfast. He wandered back to his room after, but he said he was fine when Jeff checked on him.

**Parse:** Are you busy?  
 **Swoops:** No?  
 **Parse:** Can I come in?

“Yes, obviously,” Jeff says aloud as he marks his place in the book and sets it aside.

Parse opens the door to his room and comes in. He hesitates by the bed until Jeff pats the spot next to him. He realizes Parse doesn’t usually come into his room. Sometimes he pauses at the door and leans in to ask him something unimportant, but usually he makes Jeff hunt him out.

“I can’t tell anyone I have this,” Parse says as he lies down on his back. He stares at the ceiling instead of looking at Jeff.

“You don’t have to, but why?”

“Everything on the internet says I’m a horrible person and no one should be friends with me. And dating me is obviously a really bad idea,” Parse says. “Ugh. Please don’t Google it. You thought we were joking, but it does basically say I might kill my roommate.”

“You know my mom is a therapist and when we told her, she didn’t tell me to put up bars or move out,” Jeff says. “I think we should trust my mom instead of google.”

“There are actual articles by real shrinks who talk about how horrible I am,” Kent says. “Also, I’m probably going to die. and it’s almost impossible to treat me.”

“They probably suck at their jobs.”

Parse shrugs but doesn’t look at him.

“Parse, how does it say you’re going to die?”

“I’m going to kill myself.”

“Do you want to kill yourself?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“We talked about this! I told you I’d never do that to you!” Parse turns his head so he can glare.

“Exactly. Then why are you listening to random people on the internet?”

“Okay. Fine. That part’s wrong.”

“Some doctors are idiots. The person we’re going to supposedly isn’t. And if she is, we’ll find another one. I’m going with you. If she’s an idiot who says you can’t get better, and you’re going to kill me, we’ll find another doctor.”

“They’re not all wrong though,” Parse says.

“What do you mean?”

“I know it has to suck being friends with me. You’d be better off if you weren’t,” Parse says. His eyes shift down from the ceiling and away from Jeff’s direction.

“That’s bullshit. Yeah, right now, things have been kind of hard. But mostly because I hate to see you hurting, and I’m worried. You’ve had a few bad days. But that doesn’t mean it sucks to be friends with you. I like having you here. I like training with you. If everyone on the internet was right about our friendship, then it’s the other way around. Apparently, I’m not good enough at hockey to hang out and train with you. Also, I only have fans because I latched on to you to further my career.”

“That’s bullshit,” Parse says.

“Yeah. Exactly.”

“It’s not the same.”

“I know, but you can’t believe Google over people who know you. Mom does not think it’s hopeless. And there’s plenty of people who agree. And no one thinks they shouldn’t be friends with you. You know how much the guys missed you when you weren’t on our roadie? A lot. And I didn’t want you to feel more guilty about not being there because you were sick, so I didn’t tell you that the guys took turns rooming with me. They only made fun of me a little after they realized I was lonely without you. Because they all missed you. And not just during the game. Matty, Hooks, and Hopper complained basically the whole time that they were surrounded by old guys. All your friends like being friends with you.”

“Except Zimms.”

Jeff sighs. He has to think for a few seconds before he answers.

“You don’t know why he doesn’t want to talk to you. For all you know it’s because he thinks that _he’s_ bad for you. Either way, it’s more complicated than it just being because of you. I don’t know him. But I know you said he had problems before he met you. He was on medication before he met you. At most, _maybe_ you hurt each other because you were two kids with problems and not enough people to help you handle them. But whatever they are, his mental health problems are his own. And hopefully, he’s getting help like you are. But you can’t just decide his issues are about you. You don’t know that at all.”

Parse shrugs, but he doesn’t argue.

“Can you try to stop googling and upsetting yourself? At least until we try the new therapist?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

***

“I think the press may have gotten some pictures of Jack visiting his dorm at Samwell,” Bob says when Jeff answers the phone. “I’m not sure Kenny will even see them, and there’s nothing new for them to print. But someone will probably at least post something on Twitter.”

“Thanks for giving me a heads up,” Jeff says. He doesn’t tell Parse because it’s not like it’s anything new that he’s withholding anyway. Parse knows where Jack is going to college. Given what he told the doctor, he’ll probably find out anything he wants if he gets in the mood to look.

Sure enough, he decides to go out Friday night.

“Are you saying I’m not allowed to go out now?” Parse says when Jeff stops him.

“I’m reminding you that you agreed it was a bad idea to go out because you’re upset. It’s not the same as having a few drinks with the guys for fun.”

“And what makes you think I’m upset?”

“Other than the fact that you’re already getting mad at me for stopping you, and you didn’t invite me?”

“Yes, besides that.”

“You’re going to get mad at me if I tell you.” Jeff wishes their appointment with the new therapist had been this week and not the following Thursday. They’ve pointed out Parse gets angry and lashes out when he’s upset. No one has told Jeff what to do about it. He’s not even sure he’s supposed to be stopping Parse now, but that seems better than letting him go off and do something he’ll regret later.

“I’m going to be mad if you don’t tell me now,” Parse says.

“Bob called.”

“Bob called you? Why the fuck would Bob call you and not me?’ Parse asks.

“Because he wasn’t going to call you and tell you some people took pictures of Jack moving into the dorms. He _knew_ that wouldn’t help. He called me so I’d be around if you found them and got upset.”

“So now you’re talking to Bob behind my back?”

Jeff will give him that one. When he told Bob to warn him, it made sense, but he can see how it’s messed up from Parse’s view.

“I’m sorry,” Jeff says, forcing his voice to stay calm even though Parse’s has already risen. “I wasn’t trying to do that. I just knew he wouldn’t call you, so getting him to warn me if something might happen seemed better than setting up my own Google alert for Zimmermann.”

“Fuck you! Now that you know I’m crazy, you’re just going to try to control everything?”

“I didn’t do this because of anything you said at the doctor. I was mad that I didn’t see it coming when you got upset before and I wasn’t here.”

“That’s not better,” Parse says. “It’s not your job to fucking control my life even if Alex calls _you_ when he has a problem with me. That’s not my fault. I’m sorry if my fuck-ups get you traded, but it’s not my fault they’re keeping you because they stupidly assigned you as my babysitter last year. Obviously, they didn’t think it would be so much work.”

He shoulder-checks Jeff as he walks by and slams the door on his way out.

Jeff sits on the couch instead of following him because now he’s too mad to deal with Parse.

He’s still on the couch debating if he should call his Mom and ask what he’s even supposed to do when when Parse comes back in. He looks at Jeff on the couch and slides down the front door to sit on the floor.

“I’m sorry. I’m a fucking asshole, and I didn’t mean any of that. I’m sorry you have to deal with this shit,” Parse says. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to fucking do now. Why do they tell you you’re fucked up and then not fix you? Please don’t say anything. I’ll just yell at you again because I don’t know what else to do. This sucks, and I hate it, and I don’t know how to feel better without going through the whole process of doing stupid shit and then hating myself for it until I feel normal again.”

Jeff just nods because he doesn’t know what else to do. Parse wasn’t even gone ten minutes so it’s clear he came right back and didn’t even do anything. But he’s not wrong. He’s shaking like any wrong move will make him snap and they both know it.

They sit in silence until Parse lets out a harsh laugh.

“The one thing I told her is that I never wanted to cut or hurt myself or anything like that,” Parse says. “Now I’m sitting here and I feel like shit and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to fix it and banging my head against the wall feels like it would help.”

“Please don’t do that,” Jeff says. He’s bigger than Parse. And stronger. He’s sure he could physically stop Parse. But he doesn’t want to have to.

“I hate this.”

“It’s not that late. I can call the doctor and ask if there’s just something you can do right now that will help. Something she can just tell you to do without explaining the whole psychology behind it.”

Parse nods. Jeff calls and gets an assistant. He explains it’s not an emergency, but asks her if they can page the doctor and get her to call back. He throws in that they can pay for whatever the phone call costs later. A few minutes later, he gets a call back. He explains the problem and promises that they’ve made an appointment with the new therapist but that doesn’t do them a lot of good right now.

“We can try a few basic things to calm him down and distract him from what he’s feeling,” she says. “Some people find that things like holding an ice cube or ice packs or taking a cold shower helps. That might help if he’s feeling the urge to harm himself. It’s a similar painful sensation without doing any real damage. And if he feels like crying, there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s a reason we feel better after crying. It releases stress hormones.”

“Okay. And if that doesn’t work?” Jeff asks.

“Call me back if it doesn’t work and he’s still kind of under control and you think you need more help. Don’t leave him alone. If you think he’s out of control, skip me and call 911. If either of you want to talk to me after he’s calmed down, that’s fine too.”

Jeff relays the information to Kent and gets him an ice cube. After a few seconds of holding it, he tosses it on the floor and says it’s not helping and he doesn’t feel like crying and can’t cry on command. He hates cold showers but he hates everything so what the fuck does it matter. He rolls his eyes when Jeff asks him to leave the bathroom door open, but they’ve seen each other in the locker room enough that he doesn’t care. He’s in the shower for a few minutes before Jeff sees him sit down and start crying through the frosted door. He opens the door just enough to turn the water off without looking and throw Parse a towel.

“You want to dry off and I’ll get you clothes?” Jeff asks.

“Yeah,” Parse says though a sob.

When Jeff comes back with underwear, pajama pants and a t-shirt, Parse gets dressed and lets Jeff led him to bed.

“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up and you have to deal with it,” Parse says when his sobs start to slow.

“You did better. You didn’t get drunk. You let me call the doctor and you did what she said,” Jeff says as he rubs Parse’s back.

“After I yelled at you and said stupid things. You’re the only one who gives a fuck about me, and I treat you like shit and you don’t deserve it.”

“I maybe shouldn’t’ve talked to Bob behind your back. I should’ve told you at least.”

“Yeah,” Parse agrees. “But at least I know you’re trying. I shouldn’t be such a shithead when no one else is trying.”

“I’m not the only one trying. I’ll admit that I’m trying the hardest, but that’s because my moms fully moving in would get annoying eventually,” Jeff says. “And maybe Alex cares partially because it’s his job, but I think he also gives a shit about you as a person at this point. And literally every guy on the team is still going to give a shit about you even if they get traded. Sure, they’ll want to beat you on the ice, but if you think Reaper and Davy will stop caring if they get traded, you’re wrong. You know they’re both worried about you, and they’re not thrilled we just keep saying you’re fine. If Reaper didn’t have a baby who was still not sleeping all night, he wouldn’t care how many times I said you were fine. He would be over here every time he got worried. I already had to promise him that we’d come to dinner next time my moms are here.”

“Thanks.”

“Those were random examples by the way. They _can’t_ trade Davy and you know that. And you know no one thinks they’ll trade Reaper.”

“I know. And I’m sorry I said the only reason they’re keeping you is because of me. You scored in the playoffs, and I’m pretty sure if they really think I can’t play without you, they’d trade both of us.”

“I think you should stop thinking about if I’m getting traded. They haven’t hinted at it at all, and they don’t have to warn me if they do it,” Jeff says. “And it doesn’t matter. If they trade me, you’ll have to put up with me every time we have a break, and you have to skype me every day. And if you don’t, I’m making my Mama move in with you so I don’t worry.”

Parse laughs.

“You can’t do that.”

“True. I’d say I was worried and she’d move in before I asked her to.”

“Probably,” Parse admits.

“Good. You want to watch a movie or just crash?”

“I’m just going to fall asleep. Feelings are stupid and exhausting.”

“Okay.”

“Are you going to sleep in here?”

“Yep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to get this chapter out quick because the last one was so short.
> 
> It's okay Parse. You will find ways that don't involve cold showers too. Honestly, ice packs don't work for me because I'm a dancer and I'm so used to icing things that it's not an event. So I figured they wouldn't work for Parse for the same reason.


	14. Chapter 14

The day before their appointment with the therapist, Kent walks into the living room where Jeff is watching TV, throws a pillow on Jeff’s lap and lies down with his head on Jeff’s lap and his face pressed into Jeff’s stomach. The same sad Britney Spears song has been playing on repeat from his room for so long that Jeff had to put on the TV to cover it before he snapped and told Kent to please go back to hiding his music.

Jeff rubs his back and waits. He’s gotten better at waiting for Parse to be ready to talk to him as Parse has gotten better at asking for comfort when he needs it. Considering how Parse has grown quieter every day since Monday, Jeff thinks he knows what the issue is anyway. He plays with Parse’s hair because that always seems to relax him.

“How mad at me are you going to be if I don’t go?”

“I’m not going to be mad, and I know I can’t make you go,” Jeff says. “But I think you should go. And I’d like it if you went. I don’t mind going with you at all.”

“I hate it. I hate talking about this shit. I hate thinking about all this shit. I hate that she can’t just tell me how to fix it.”

“Mom said we can ask for some things like what she told you on the phone. That way you go home with something you can use.”

“She’s going to ask a lot of questions again. I don’t want to talk about my parents and their stupid e-mails. It makes me feel like shit.”

“Did they e-mail you again?”

“No. They only e-mail when I fuck up,” Parse says.

Jeff doesn’t know what to say to that so he just smooths down Parse’s hair.

“I don’t want to go. It’s weird, and it’s awkward, and it makes me feel worse.”

“You know it’s not realistic to think it’s going to fix everything right away,” Jeff says.

“I don’t want to go.”

“You haven’t even met her yet. You might not hate her. You might actually like her even.”

“I might like her as a person,” Parse says. “I’m still going to hate it.”

“Can you try? I’ll go with you, and if I think she’s doing a shitty job, I’ll tell her we’re leaving myself,” Jeff says.

“I’m sorry I’m being a baby.”

“You haven’t seen me get sick. Mama says you were easy. You were clearly miserable, and you only complained that you were fine and you wanted to play. I think most of us regress to toddlers at some point. Remember when Reaper saw that spider in his room and insisted on sleeping in our room instead?”

Parse lets out a small chuckle.

“I know you won’t make me go, but I’ll go because you want me to. You don’t want to live with someone who snaps and yells at you.”

“I’m not going to pretend that I’m not hoping she can help with that,” Jeff admits. “But that’s not the only reason. I want you to go because it’s obvious you’re hurting a lot, and I think it will help in the long run. And even if it sucks now, ignoring it and hoping it will go away isn’t working. We tried that for a year.”

“I’ll go. I’m just saying. I don’t want to and I hate it.”

“Will you try to give it a chance even if you hate it?”

“I tried last time even though it sucked, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Ugh. Don’t tell me you’re proud of me,” Parse interrupts him before he can say it.

“Okay. As long as you know anyway.”

“That’s the same thing as saying it. You’re the worst,” Parse says, but he curls up and snuggles closer anyway.

***

Caitlyn Franklin’s office is on the fifth floor of a giant office building with a long directory of offices that makes Kent feel better about the chance someone might see him coming in. He’s probably one of the least interesting semi-famous people going to therapy in Vegas, but it helps him relax to have the added privacy anyway.

He’s handed a new large packet of paperwork to fill out that he rolls his eyes at.

“These questions are stupid,” Kent says when he gets the question about why he’s here. They only left him three lines so Jeff kind of thinks it’s fair that he writes, “If I could answer this in three lines, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Just put whatever you want. They probably don’t matter much,” Jeff says.

Kent laughs.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the good one?”

“They give the same packet to everyone, and you did the same thing at the other doctor. It can’t be that serious,” Jeff says. “Maybe don’t tell Mom I said that though.”

“But what if I want to be the good kid for once?”

“So you’re going to tell her and agree with me and make us both difficult?”

“True. I’m never going to be the good kid.”

“False. You are a good kid,” Jeff says. “Actually, that’s the first thing the team heard about you. Reaper met you at the draft and he said he thought you seemed like a good kid.”

“Okay, that’s weird. Also, why does the media think I’m going to be captain when the whole team says I’m a baby?”

“Pretty sure it’s just a matter of when they think you’re ready. You are the baby. You’re also the baby that led us to the cup.”

“That was Davy,” Parse says.

“Pretty sure beating Chicago was all you.”

“That wasn’t me really,” Parse says and gets up to turn in the paperwork.

“It was you,” Jeff says. “It wasn’t anyone else for sure. Even Davy was giving up and you know it.”

“I can’t even go to a shrink by myself. How could I be _your_ captain?”

“That’s not related. I’m not saying right now,” Jeff says when he can tell Parse wants to argue. “But when you’re ready, no one is going to have an issue. Including me. Hell, you’re halfway there. We _all_ listen to you when we’re on the ice. Because we’re not stupid. If you don’t think Davy steps back and gives you chances, you’re not paying attention.”

A petite black woman pokes her head out of the door next to the front desk and calls Kent’s name before Parse can argue with him. She introduces herself and leads them down a hallway to her office. The office cozy, but open enough that Parse doesn’t look claustrophobic already. She motions for them to sit on a soft brown leather couch and sits across from them in a matching arm chair.

Kent introduces Jeff and asks if Jeff can stay, and Caitlyn agrees.

"We'll cover a few things today. I'm especially interested in getting a sense of your goals, though. What are you hoping to get out of our work together?" Caitlyn says.

Parse looks down at his hands when he answers.

“I’d like to stop being an awful roommate. I do stupid things when I’m upset, and he has to deal with it. And sometimes I take it out on him when he’s trying to help me or stop me from doing stupid shit,” Parse says. “And if you could tell me how to not feel like shit all the time, that would be great too.”

Caitlyn nods and makes a few notes. Jeff wants to at least wrap his arm around Parse’s shoulder, but Parse hasn’t reached out on his own, and Jeff’s not sure if reminding Parse he’s there is a good idea or not.

“Let's start with the first goal, because that sounds important. When you say you want to do less stupid stuff when you're upset, what kinds of stuff do you mean?" she asks.

“I go out to parties and drink a lot. The Aces aren’t super strict, and I didn’t really do it during the season, but they’ve made it clear they don’t like it either. And sometimes I make out with random people and then I feel gross about it later,” Parse shrugs. “It’s not like that when I get a couple drinks with the team. I don’t really want them to see me when I’m like that. I also kind of impulse bought a car once, but that was easier to undo.”

"Ok. So some impulsive behaviors you want to change. How often is the drinking happening? The kind of drinking you don't want to keep doing, I mean."

“I was going out every weekend for most of July. And then I tried to not do it as much, but sometimes when something happens in the news with my ex, um,” Kent pauses and looks over at him, only continuing when Jeff nods and lifts his hand to squeeze Parse’s shoulder. “ex-boyfriend or his family, I get upset, and I just want it to stop, so I drink. He was my best friend before we dated, and I lived with his family for a couple summers, but we don’t talk anymore.”

“Okay. Let’s talk about the other goal you mentioned. What do you mean about feeling better? What feelings would you like more or less of?”

The look on Kent’s face tells Jeff how Kent feels about that question.

“I mean, I’d like to stop getting so angry that I yell at Jeff when he tries to tell me not to do stupid shit. And it just hurts. It’s been over a year, and I still miss Jack—my ex—and his family. And his dad still talks to me, but he’s not really going to be there for me. I didn’t even ask him to come on the dad’s trip with the team, but he won’t even come to my games unless he’s working because Jack gets upset. And my parents aren’t going to get better. They’re not going to stop e-mailing me when they think I’m messing something up. I know that that by now, but it still fucking hurts. And it’s not getting better. And I need to deal with it before I get traded. I can’t do this during the season, or they’ll trade me no matter how good I am.”

"Ok. So less hurting and less anger. That makes a lot of sense. Anything else that's really important?"

“I have nightmares. Sort of. But I don’t think you can make me stop dreaming.”

"Those might be a bit trickier, yes. And we actually do have some skills that might help with that.” She smiles at Kent’s surprised expression.

“That sounds like weird mind-control shit, but I’ll try it. Jeff would probably like to sleep more instead of me waking him up.”

Caitlyn spends the next half hour explaining Dialectical Behavior Therapy and directing Parse to come up with his own lists of ideas on how to manage his emotions better. As he realizes she’s going to give him something that at least resembles a concrete plan, Parse shifts from annoyed and scared and dives into the process like they’re making plays for a game. He asks Jeff for ideas a few times and takes his own notes. Caitlyn does tell him that things might not work right away, and they’ll talk about it to figure out what works and what doesn’t, but Parse looks less defeated. It makes sense. Game plans don’t always work. Plays have to be re-worked. Maybe if they’d viewed her as more of a coach instead of a doctor, Parse would have been more positive about the whole thing from the beginning.

When Caitlyn asks if there’s anything else they want to mention in their last few minutes, Parse shrugs and looks at Jeff.

“Is there anything I could be doing better?” Jeff asks. “Or something I’m doing that’s making it worse?”

“You’re here and you’re asking so you’re probably doing a lot of things right already,” Caitlyn says and turns to Parse. “Kent, you can probably answer that better than I can. Can you tell us what Jeff does that helps so he knows to keep doing it?”

Parse turns to look at him.

“Dude, you do everything,” he says before turning back to Caitlyn. “He holds me when I’m crying or when I’m just really lonely. He gets his moms to pretend they’re my moms when I’m upset that Bob isn’t there. He sits with me after I have a nightmare until I go back to sleep. He sits with me when I’m throwing up because I’m too drunk. He watches my back at work. He’s sat through all these damn appointments.”

“For the record, I don’t mind getting up when you have nightmares. Ever. If I could make you wake me up on your own when I don’t wake up and Kit doesn’t wake me up, I would do it. I want them to get better for you, but I don’t mind at all.”

“You’re still missing sleep.”

“I’m missing sleep less than you. If you don’t fall back asleep right away, I just lay down and crash in your bed. It’s not a big deal. You have yet to kick me in your sleep or anything.”

“Okay, those are all good things,” Caitlyn says smiling. “Is there anything he does when he’s trying to help that you think makes things worse?”

“No. He’s perfect,” Parse says.

“That’s not actually possible,” Jeff says. “Also, it’s not true. Literally everyone we both know has told me I’m too over-protective—including my moms. Who are not pretending, by the way. They will do a legal adult adoption if you agree to it.”

“Okay, but it doesn’t really bother me,” Parse says.

"So Jeff, it sounds like you're wondering if you're being a bit too... protective or involved? But Kent, you think it's about right?"

Kent shrugs.

“It’s kind of nice. No one’s really been like that before with me,” Parse says. “I mean, sometimes, like when Davy’s trying to work with me on stuff and he tells you to back off, he’s right. But you also listen to him and it’s not about this kind of stuff, so it’s not that big of a deal.”

"Ok. Kent, you can keep letting Jeff know what works. And we'll talk more if there's ever something that's getting in the way."

Kent makes an appointment for the next week before they leave and takes the notes and information with him.

“By the way, when I bitch at you for treating me like a kid, you’re not allowed to throw that back at me because I said it in her office,” Kent says when they’re driving home.

Jeff laughs and nods.

“I mean, I meant it, but don’t be weird.”

***

Mom suggests that they make extra copies of the lists Parse has made of ways to distract himself from doing destructive things. That way Jeff can make a suggestion from the list if Parse doesn’t think or just doesn’t want to think about it when the issue comes up. Because Jeff’s going to want to help so he should have a way to help ready. Parse’s list of ways to soothe himself is short enough that they don’t really need to make a copy of that one. That seems to be one the things they’d gotten right most of the time. Parse had blushed when he did it, but he’d still put cuddling with Kit and Jeff at the top of the list. But they agree he should try some of the other ideas in case Jeff and Kit are somehow both not available.

Having plans helps, but Jeff know they’re all nervous about how well anything will work. Caitlyn gave them a number to call her if something happens and they need help.

On Tuesday, Parse comes out of his room and says, “Jack’s not just going to Samwell. He’s playing hockey for them. He’s going to just play college hockey like he shouldn’t be in the NHL.”

“Okay,” Jeff says.

“Did you know?” Parse asks. “Did Bob call you?”

“I didn’t,” Jeff’s kind of glad he can be honest about it. “He didn’t call.”

“This list feels really stupid right now.”

“Can we try anyway?” Jeff says.

Parse nods.

Parse ends up in the cold shower again because the first few things on the list just annoy him.

“This sucks. Why don’t any of the things that don’t suck help me feel better? I hate cold showers,” Kent says when he’s curled up against Jeff on the couch under a blanket. He’s holding Kit, who has climbed up his chest so she can put her front paws around his neck like she’s giving him a hug. She is not a normal cat, but Jeff’s thankful for that. She’s purring as Parse pets her, and that’s even relaxing Jeff.

“We can try different things next time.”

“I hate that there’s a next time.”

“Parse, we’ll get better at this, okay? And there’s not a next time because something’s wrong with you. Everyone has shit that comes up. You know that.”

“Yeah, but some people don’t need a game plan to deal with it.”

“You know, last time you were a lot more upset after you got out of the shower. This _is_ better,” Jeff points out.

“I can’t yell. It will scare Kit.”

“You can give yourself a little credit, you know?” Jeff says. It wasn’t fun, but Parse didn’t yell at him. There was no drinking and even though he cried a little, he’s basically just normal but a little extra needy for attention now.

“It was all the therapy shit. Nothing that I did,” Parse says.

“You had to actually do the therapy shit while you were upset. That isn’t nothing.”

“Yeah. Whatever. Can I just watch some trashy TV now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who commented on the last chapter. I had a horrible day at work last night and when I got off work in the morning, I had some nice comments that really helped me feel better. I'm not sure if I have the best or worst job for a BPD person, but it is what it is. I love all the comments and I promise to reply, but I have to work again tonight and I was thinking you would all rather have a chapter instead. <3
> 
> Also, this is the last chapter that is co-written. (Though every single chapter is beta and okay'd by the same person so I don't mess something up.) Kent's still going to go to therapy. We don't need to be a fly on the wall for all of it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Carnie:** It’s official. Parse is still the baby on the team for pre-season.  
**Swoops:** Kunzelman is only 6 months older.  
**Matty:** Hunt is only a little over a year older.  
**Popcorn:** And Rushupkin is 19 but almost 20. All rookies older than Parse.  
**Parse:** Shut up. This doesn’t make me still a rookie.  
**Hooks:** No one said you were still a rookie. Just still the baby.  
**Reaper:** And still the smallest. You’ve put on weight. Not that much weight.  
**Parse:** I hate all of you.  
**Carnie:** It’s so hard being a prodigy, we know.  
**Hooks:** Life is so hard when you don’t have to spend even a year in the minors.  
**Parse:** I didn’t see any of you complaining about me when we won the cup.  
**Popcorn:** We not complaining. Team save money on kids meals.  
**Hooks:** And hotels. They pay for Swoops and his kid stays free.  
**Parse:** Right. Next time I get comped something, I’ll just take Swoops.  
**Reaper:** I should have kept you when they offered you to me so I’d get all the free shit you and Swoops get.  
**Davy:** Pretty sure giving your attention to your baby was the right choice.  
**Hooks:** It’s unfair Swoops gets so much free shit just because you have to be accompanied by an adult. :(  
**Matty:** Or sometimes he invites me bc I’m not a dick about his age.  
**Parse:** ^  
**Hooks:** He invites you bc you sneak him booze more than Swoops. Hey, I’m 21 now too!  
**Swoops:** He gets enough booze without more help.  
**Matty:** Hey! I always watch his back.  
**Swoops:** I know. I’m just saying.  
**Parse:** This extra Victoria’s Secret fashion show invite I just got is going to a rookie now. Sounds like a fun afterparty too.  
**Matty:** NO! I didn’t do anything!  
**Hooks:** Come on. Matty is no fun. He listens to everything Swoops says.  
**Parse:** I mean, I’d give it to Davy but he doesn’t want it.  
**Popcorn:** Some models Russian. I translate for you.  
**Parse:** Now that’s a decent argument.  
**Matty:** I’m literally the only person on this team who has not ordered you a kids meal or bought you a children’s ticket. :’(  
**Carnie:** Does Swoops really not want to go? Bc you guys know he’ll just take Swoops if he wants no matter how boring he is.  
**Swoops:** He has 3 tickets total. Mine is not the one they’re fighting over. ;)  
**Reaper:** Why do they even give you tickets to that? You’re 12.  
**Swoops:** You’re just mad bc you can’t go.  
**Reaper:** My wife is hot. I don’t need to go. None of those models will sleep with any of you.

***

Parse decides to go to training camp the first day the rookies are there even though the rest of the team doesn’t have to be there until the next week. Jeff goes with him and isn’t surprised to see Davy and Carnie there too. Of course, Davy’s the captain, and Carnie’s an alternate since Osei retired. Parse says he wasn’t surprised or disappointed not to get it even though the press has had plenty to say about it. Davy doesn’t get on the ice. Getting the cup meant his shoulder surgery happened in June, and he’s not going back to full contact before he has to.

Jeff runs a few drills with Kunzelman, but everyone expects him to get sent down to the Wolves for a year either way. Popcorn is there because he’s billeting Rushupkin and the poor kid needs him to translate just about everything. Parse works with Rushupkin with Popcorn translating until Popcorn shakes his head and skates over the where Jeff and Davy are standing.

“Parse speak hockey in every language. Doesn’t need me. Just points and passes and Rusher understands. I take break,” Popcorn says when he comes over.

“Looks like he could make the roster,” Davy says.

“I hope,” Popcorn says. “No one on the Wolves speaks Russian right now. It would be very hard.”

“Did you tell Parse that?” Jeff asks.

“Yes? I tell him after he ask.”

“Your kid has a mission to make sure Rusher makes the roster now, doesn’t he?” Davy asks after Popcorn goes back on the ice.

“Probably.”

“He’s a good kid. And he’ll be a good captain when he’s ready,” Davy says.

“Yeah.”

“So now that it’s my business again, how’s he doing?” Davy asks. “You’ve been brushing off everyone’s questions all summer like we’re going to tell management on him, but we’re not stupid. He’s had a rough summer.”

“He’s doing better now.”

“The Zimmermann kid is playing NCAA. Are they talking again?”

“No,” Jeff says.

“You know we have his back. Every single guy on this team wants him on this team. And not just because of how good he is. We’re not going to sabotage him. We just want to help.”

“I know,” Jeff says. “But it’s his business if he wants to share anything. It’s not affecting the team, so if he doesn’t want to talk about it, I shouldn’t either. Besides, you know him. He’s good when he’s here. He had too much free time. He missed playing, and he missed the team. It’ll help him to be back.”

Davy sighs but he nods.

“At least tell me your moms are involved.”

“My moms are very involved.”

***

“You were good with Rusher,” Jeff says when they get home.

Parse just shrugs and picks up Kit as they walk into the apartment. Jeff wasn’t lying. He’s been going to therapy. They’ve worked out a system that seems to be working. He hasn’t gotten drunk since therapy started. And the only time he’s gone out was with Matty and Hooks when Hooks got back in town. He’s only yelled at Jeff once since then, and he got himself under control quickly. Now he has a list of reasons not to yell at Jeff that he made with Caitlyn in case he doesn’t remember when he’s upset. Still, Jeff was pretty sure the day at training camp went well, but now Parse is taking Kit straight back to his room. Jeff lets out a relieved breath when he doesn’t close the door behind him.

“Can I come in?” Jeff asks from the doorway and Parse nods. He moves to one side of the bed so Jeff can sit down.

“Is something wrong or are you just not used to so much time with so many people anymore?”

“It’s stupid,” Parse says.

“It’s probably not.”

“None of the new guys really talked to me except the one who can’t really talk to me,” Parse says. “I mean, you know I love you guys, but even Matty and Hooks are over twenty-one. Hopper was the only friend I had who was sort of my age and he’s gone.”

“Lots of those guys are scared they’re getting sent down. Some of them _know_ they are.”

“That doesn’t mean they won’t get called up. And they’re not going to send all of them down. There’s space.”

“You know they’re just intimidated by you, right?”

Parse rolls his eyes.

“No one was intimidated by me last year.”

“You actually looked like you were twelve last year and you hadn’t won the Stanley Cup,” Jeff says. “Plus, we all got together and agreed not treat you like you were special. And Hopper was scared of you until he met you.”

“Well, these guys met me and they still don’t like me.”

“Parse, you’re more confident than you were last year. They saw you talking to Davy and Coach Day like you belonged there. You won the Calder and the Art Ross. In your rookie year. They will get to know you. They’ll relax once they’re on the roster and they’re used to us. Once the rest of the guys get back and don’t treat you like you’re some kind of celebrity, it’ll be normal.”

“I’m being stupid.”

“You’re being you,” Jeff says. “And for the record, the fact that you don’t walk around thinking you’re special or better than the rest of the team is why all the guys like you. Seriously. We all expected this stuck up cocky douchebag when you drafted. We got you instead, and we were all happy about that.”

“But Davy thinks I’m fucking up.”

“I’m sure that’s not what Davy said to you. I _know_ it’s not what he said to me.”

“What _did_ he say to you?”

“He asked how you were doing. Said he knows things weren’t great in the summer. I told him you were doing better. He went on his spiel about how the whole team cares about you and not just me like he always does. He’s worried because he cares about you, but he also said you were doing a good job working with Rusher and that you’re a good kid.” Jeff leaves out what he said about Parse eventually being captain because Jeff suspects that Parse doesn’t _want_ to be captain yet.

Parse laughs.

“What can I bribe all of you guys with to keep the new guys from calling me a ‘good kid’ this year? We have three guys coming in next week from trades and why do I think that’s the first thing they’re going to hear when they ask about me?”

“Because that’s definitely the first thing they’re going to hear, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Eventually, I’m going to age. You guys know that right?”

“I’ll still always be older than you,” Jeff says. “You’ll be my captain and I’m still going to worry about you and sit with you if you have nightmares no matter how old you are.”

Parse groans and lets go of Kit to shove Jeff, but he leans into quick hug Jeff gives him before he gets up.

“I won the Conn Smythe, too. That’s cool. Why does everyone always skip that one? It makes the hat trick.”

“Uh huh. Except you said the Conn Smythe should be mine.”

“Well, the league didn’t let me do that so…”

***

When Parse gets to the locker room the first day the vets are all back at training camp, there’s a baby blanket with hockey sticks and a stuffed toy in the shape of an ace of spades playing card with little arms and legs in his stall.

“Seriously?” Parse says even though he’s laughing.

“Is okay,” Popcorn says. “We know you need to sleep on roadie. We tell new guys not to make fun of you.”

“No one believes you,” Parse says. “The tags are still on. This shit is obviously brand new.”

“Shit,” Carnie says. “Swoops, you suck at this. Now he’s going to know you lost the real ones. Don’t you know you’re supposed to make it look used when you replace your kid’s lost toys?”

“Don’t you?” Jeff asks. “And you can’t blame this on me. He’s been with me all morning.”

Parse picks up the offending items and hands them off to Reaper.

“Since they are obviously not mine, maybe Mason can get some use out of them.”

Reaper laughs, but he takes the blanket and the stuffed toy take home later.

The two older guys they got from trades over the summer, Marks and Petco, play along, but their chirping of Parse is cautious enough that Jeff isn’t surprised when Davy pulls him aside later and admits that he already beat Jeff to telling them what things were off topic.

“It’s for their own safety. We can’t have Reaper fighting his own teammates because they hurt Parse.”

Jeff nods. Even if he’s the one Parse talks to, all the guys from last year remember how Parse was when he came to camp last year. Protecting him off the ice is just as much of a habit as protecting him on it. 

Rusher makes the roster and so does Hunter. The relief on Rusher’s face is obvious. Jeff’s sure they’d give him some kind of support if he was sent to the Wolves, but it will be easier for him to keep living with Popcorn. He hugs Parse right after Popcorn when he finds out. Davy smiles. Even if Parse isn’t ready yet, he’s already on the way to being a great captain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates. I went to work some extra days this week and it ate up all my energy.
> 
> I wanted to note that I'm following the cannon timeline as much as I can, but honestly some things just don't make sense, and it didn't work for me to have Jack take so many years off before Samwell. Also, my hockey knowledge is a mix of research, watching a mix of hockey games (all plays mentioned are things I've seen happen in various games), and having a job that occasionally puts me in contact with pro sports players. (True story, act impressed and men will talk about themselves and answer random ass questions and not realize you're doing writing research. However, I always stick to basic stuff like how much time off they get on roadies and nothing that is in anyway personal to the players I've met.)


	16. Chapter 16

Their second roadie takes them to Seattle, Providence and then Boston. Curren, the player from the Flyers who rattled Parse in the playoffs and upset Reaper was traded the Schooners in the summer. Jeff still doesn’t know what he said to Parse, but it’s clear that it was bad enough Reaper hasn’t forgotten. Reaper reaches a such new level of over-protective on the ice that Parse yells at him to back off and worry about winning instead of babysitting. Reaper does back off, but he still ends up fighting the guy in the third period. Parse is mad about it. Reaper is unapologetic. And neither of them will tell anyone what the guy said that made Reaper so mad that he ignored Parse’s attempts to stop him. Matty was close when it happened but when Jeff corners him, he shakes his head and claims he didn’t hear. They lose the game and Parse doesn’t speak to Reaper on the plane at all.

Either way, they’re all in shit moods when they get to Providence. Jeff tells himself that that’s why he doesn’t question Parse’s attitude. They’re flying home after Boston and even though Parse has insisted that he’s doing well enough to not schedule Skype sessions while they’re on the road, he agreed to an appointment the day after they get back.

They beat the Falconers and leave for a hotel in Boston right after. Jeff has a friend on the Falconers from the minors, and he’s a bit disappointed that he doesn’t get to see Thirdy for more than a few minutes, but the Falconers will get to Vegas early when they come to town in a few months, so they’ll catch up then. Thirdy claps him on the shoulder after the game.

“How does your kid keep getting faster?” Thirdy asks.

“Probably because he wasn’t even fully grown last year?” Jeff can’t help the pride he feels that even his friends on other teams have noticed. Especially with all the media speculation that Parse was going to come back playing like shit because he partied all summer.

“And you’re getting faster just from chasing him around?”

“Something like that.”

***

Most of the guys are half-tired the next morning at practice in Boston, so he doesn’t think anything about Parse seeming off. It’s the last game in a long roadie. Popcorn’s girlfriend has a been living at their apartment and posting pictures of Kit on the Instagram Kent made for her, and Jeff can tell he misses her.

They take naps after practice and all the guys go get dinner together before heading back to the hotel a few hours before curfew. There’s always a few guys hanging out in the lobby to give their roommates privacy to talk to family and girlfriends, and at this point in the roadie, the guys with kids just want to get time to talk before all their kids are in bed.

Parse says he wants to crash early, and Jeff believes him. They have an early skate and a game the next day. Even if they won in Providence, it’s not unlike Parse to still be holding on to redeeming a loss from three days before. He and Reaper have made up, but it’s clear they just agreed to disagree about whatever happened in Seattle. The whole team is exhausted, and Jeff falls asleep in minutes.

He wakes up to his phone ringing. It’s Parse. He looks at the bed next to him as he taps the screen to answer and sees that it’s empty.

“Where are you?” he says when he answers. The hotel clock says it’s almost two in the morning.

“Samwell,” Parse says. “Can you come get me? I can’t drive.”

It’s hard to tell how drunk Parse is because his voice breaks with a sob. Jeff’s not even sure where he got a car in the first place.

“Yeah. Can you send me an address of where you are? Text it to me.” Jeff says as he gets dressed. They’re going to both get in trouble and probably get scratched tomorrow if they get caught. He wants to just tell Parse to call a cab because that’s how Jeff’s going to have to get to Samwell anyway, but as Parse tells him the address, it’s more clear that he’s wasted and crying. He refuses to go back inside the house where he was and Jeff doesn’t want to fight him on it. It’s enough work to convince him to find a place to sit and stay. Finally, he admits that he rented a car, and he can wait there. At least that means Jeff will have a car to drive back, but it means Jeff has to go to the hotel ATM to get extra cash because the cab driver doesn’t want to drive all the way to Samwell without a return fare.

Parse is halfway passed out in the passenger seat of a ridiculous sports car when Jeff finds him. Jeff gets him to unlock the doors so he can get in the driver’s side.

“Are you going to get sick?” he asks.

“I already did,” Parse answers.

“Tell me if you need me to pull over,” Jeff says and starts the drive back to Boston.

“You’re mad.”

“You’re drunk. We’ll talk about it when you’re sober.”

“I fucked up.” Parse starts crying again, and Jeff wishes he didn’t have to get them home.

“You called me. You didn’t drive drunk. I’m proud of that, okay? Focus on that right now.” He _is_ mad, but he knows how bad it can get if he tries to argue with Parse while he’s drunk, and they still have to get back to the hotel.

“He hates me. He told me to leave. He said he didn’t want me here. He didn’t want me around his new friends,” Parse says in between sobs. Jeff doesn’t know what to say to any of that. Logically, he knows Jack is allowed to not want Parse in his life, and Parse should leave him alone if he’s been asked multiple times. But Jeff can’t look at the kid crying in the seat next to him and do anything but hate Zimmermann for not loving him back. So he just reaches over and rubs his hand over Parse’s back and hopes that helps.

Parse has stopped crying by the time they get back to the hotel. He’s starting to nod off, but he wakes up when they park and instructs Jeff to use their key cards to go in the side door. Jeff has hope they’re going to get away with everything until they get to the hallway and Coach Day is sitting outside the door to their room reading a book. He sees them as soon as they step out of the elevator and stands up.

“Fuck,” Parse says under his breath, but they both keep walking. They’re already caught. Running away is just going to make it worse.

Coach doesn’t say anything right away. He looks at Jeff and then turns to study Parse.

“You’re drunk,” he says to Parse. “Don’t lie. There are pictures of you drinking on twitter. And I have a sixteen-year-old at home. I’m not stupid.”

“Do you have any proof that you just went to get him, and you weren’t at this party with him?” Coach Day asks when he turns to Jeff.

Jeff finds the ATM receipt from the ATM in the hotel lobby and hands it over.

“I took money out here at 2am so I was here at 2am.”

Coach Day nods and turns back to Parse.

“Go to sleep. You’re scratched tomorrow, but you will still be at team breakfast and morning skate if you don’t want to be scratched from the next game too.”

“I’ll decide if you’re scratched and tell you at breakfast,” he says to Jeff before he turns and walks away.

“This is so fucked,” Parse says as Jeff lets them in the room.

Jeff doesn’t answer him because he _knows_ fighting with Parse when he’s drunk and also in a mood is a really bad idea.

“You’re pissed at me,” Parse says.

“Just go to bed.”

“Right. You’re pissed at me because I got you in trouble. Fair. Next time, I won’t call you. I’ll just get home.”

“You could just not have a next time, but if you do, you still better fucking call me,” Jeff says.

“So you can be pissed off at me again?”

“Yes! Because yes, I’m pissed at you. I know everyone says I’m boring because I never do anything. And I’ve never missed a curfew in my life. But I’m lucky I got moved to the third line. I can’t goof off. I can’t fuck up because I’m not going to be worth it. I’m worth it if I’m consistent and reliable,” Jeff says. “But I don’t care about any of that if you drive drunk and you’re dead so if you do this shit again, you still better call me.”

“Maybe you’d be better off if I was dead then.”

“Don’t fucking say that.”

“Why? You wouldn’t have to babysit me. You wouldn’t have to deal with this shit and go to therapy with me because I can’t do it without you. You’d be better off without me just like Zimms. You could just stop caring like he did.”

“Yeah, well, I do care about you, and I’m not going to stop so maybe think about that when you want to do this stupid shit.”

“I’m going to do this stupid shit anyway and everyone knows it.”

“That’s bullshit.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

Jeff sighs. He’s exhausted, and they only have a few hours to sleep, and Parse still has his shoes on.

“Can you just go to bed?”

“I’m not even fucking tired,” Parse says even though he was dozing off on the drive.

“Well, I’m tired, so go the fuck to sleep.” Jeff regrets yelling as soon as he does it, but it’s too late to go back.

“Seriously, you’re not my fucking father,” Parse yells back at him. “You can’t just order me around. We’re not even fucking related.”

“Fine. Then shut up like a decent roommate so I can fucking sleep,” Jeff says before turning over in bed so he doesn’t have to look at Parse. It’s stupid that he’s tearing up, and he knows it. It’s true. They’re _not_ related. But technically, he’s not related to his moms either, and Parse doesn’t feel any less related than they do now.

Parse is silent for a minute before Jeff hears him get into bed.

***

When his alarm goes off, Jeff entertains the idea of letting Parse oversleep before admitting to himself that he's too much of a pushover to do that even if Parse deserves it. It doesn't matter anyway because Parse gets up as soon as Jeff does. They get dressed in silence and leave together only because they're so used to each other that they're ready at the same time. Parse doesn't say anything in the elevator, so Jeff lets the tense silence stay that way. 

Breakfast is catered in a room downstairs so they can have team breakfast away from home. The guys stop talking as soon as they walk in. Davy gets up with two plates and comes over.

“Go eat. We’ll talk later,” he says to Parse. Then he hands one of the plates to Jeff.

“Walk with me,” Davy says and goes back the way they came. Jeff follows him back to the elevator and up to Davy’s room. They sit at the table in the room and Davy nods to his plate. He doesn’t start talking until Jeff gives in and eats something.

“So, I'm going to be honest and admit I heard you guys fighting last night,” Davy says. “Carnie slept through it, but we’re in the room next door. I woke up before Parse yelled at you that you're not his dad, and I heard him tell you you're not even related. I hope you have the sense to know he didn't mean that and he’ll take it back tomorrow if he didn’t already.”

Jeff shrugs and picks at the scrambled eggs on his plate instead of answering.

“So, I’ll take that to mean he didn’t apologize yet. He will. I won’t make him because I know you don’t want me to, but he will. I’m talking to him separately as his captain, and he _will_ apologize to the whole team. But I’ll let him apologize to you when he’s ready because I’m sure he’ll do it. You’re the most important person in that kid’s life, and he’s not going to forget that because he got scratched from a game for something that’s his own fault.”

Jeff nods. He’s not sure Parse didn’t completely crack this time, but he’s always apologized to Jeff in the past.

“Coach Day talked to me this morning. You’re not scratched, and he said I could tell you that. Maybe some of the new guys would’ve called the staff and had them pick him up, but they know that just about anyone on this team would’ve done the same thing you did. None of the guys are mad at you either. I would’ve done the same thing. Reaper would’ve done the same thing. Obviously, he’d call you first, but we all would’ve gone to get him instead of keeping curfew.”

“Thanks,” Jeff says.

“I have to ask you what we both know I’ve been avoiding asking you. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to because I’ll ask him myself either way,” Davy says. “Is he getting help? Because now it’s affecting the team. If he’s not getting help, management and the coaches are going to call in help for him whether he likes it or not. He messed up and he’s getting scratched for it, but they’re not clueless. We’ve all known he’s been having a hard time with whatever happened with Zimmermann. Everyone wants to help him more than punish him. But if he’s seeing someone already and it’s helping, then they might not force him to see someone new.”

“It’s better if he tells you,” Jeff says. It’s an obvious answer, but it feels like less of a betrayal.

“Okay. We’ll let him tell us. He can include you when he wants to.”

Jeff nods and sets his empty plate on the table.

“Okay,” Davy says, “now I need you to do something I know is going to be really hard for you.”

“What?”

“You’re playing tonight. And without him, they will shift things around. You’ll end up on the second line. So, you need to play tonight. You need to not think about him for one game and worry about yourself and your game. Take a break. Let me worry about him. Let Coach Day worry about him. Let fucking management worry about what to do with him when we get home. Go from here to the bus and worry about yourself in practice. Get your head in the game. Can you do that? Just let other people worry about him for one day.”

“Yeah,” Jeff says. He’s not sure it’s true, but he also doesn’t want to talk to Parse yet anyway.

“Good. And win or lose, if you want to swap rooms with me after the game, I’ll do it. Maybe you guys need some space. Either way, we’re switching rooms if you want a nap before the game.”

Jeff shrugs. The hurt part of him wants to say yes now, but the rest of him doesn’t want Parse to have a nightmare and have someone else see him like that.

“Ask him,” Jeff says.

Davy nods and looks at his phone when it beeps.

“Go on and meet the guys at the bus. I’ll talk to Parse when we get to the arena. Sit with Carnie on the bus. He’s expecting it. I’ll sit with Parse and I’ll tell him it was my decision.”

Jeff does what he’s told. He finds Carnie without even seeing Parse. The entire team is quieter than normal, but several of the guys squeeze or pat his shoulder as they walk by.

“We all have your back,” Carnie says when they sit down.

“Davy won’t tell us, but it’s obvious you guys fought about it,” Reaper admits as he leans over the seat behind them to talk quietly. “I know you still want us to have his back and we do. But that includes telling him not to be a shithead.”

“Don’t be mad at him because of me,” Jeff says.

“We don’t have to be. He fucking picked Zimmermann over his team,” Carnie says. “And we’ll forgive him like we do our kids when they do dumb ass shit, but he needs to know he fucked up.”

“Zimmermann’s a fucking dick obviously anyway,” Reaper says as the bus stops at the arena.

Davy pulls Parse aside as soon as they get inside. They disappear while the rest of the guys go to the locker room. There’s no joking around. Carnie runs through the plans for practice as they get ready. They’ve played without Parse before. They’ve won without Parse before. They can do it again.

Practice is rough. Their lines are mixed up. Jeff knows he needs to be faster. But trying to be faster reminds him of Parse and that’s distracting.

“Maybe just try using the energy from how pissed off you are,” Matty says. “That’s what I’m doing.”

It’s hard to be mad when Parse is spending most of the practice doing suicides. Mostly he just hurts.

After practice, Jeff opens his phone to find texts in his group text with his moms.

 **Mama:** Hon, are you boys ok? We saw the tweets.  
**Mom:** And they just announced Kent is scratched.  
**Mama:** We will text Kent separately. You worry about the game.  
**Mom:** We’ll be watching. Love you.  
**JT:** Thanks. I’m trying.  
**JT:** He’s mad at me. We’re not really talking.  
**Mama:** You will work it out.  
**Mom:** Mad for a reason or bc he lashed out when he was upset?  
**JT:** I could’ve handled it better.  
**Mom:** You don’t have to be perfect.  
**Mama:** You can call if you need to. Or if you want to wait until after the game, that’s ok.  
**JT:** I need worry about the game. We’re flying home in the morning. Talk then?  
**Mama:** Of course. We’re here if you need us.  
**JT:** Thanks. I love you.  
**JT:** And I’m sorry about that time I said you weren’t really my moms. I didn’t mean it.  
**Mom:** Sweetheart, you were 11. That’s old news.  
**Mama:** If he said something like that to you, he didn’t mean it either.

Parse continues to ignore him on the ride back the hotel. Jeff tries to nap at the hotel, and only falls asleep out of habit and exhaustion from missing sleep the night before.

The game is rough. Rough enough that Jeff manages to follow Matty’s advice and feed off his anger to push himself harder. He gets an assist on Matty’s goal. He plays well. But the Bruins play better. The Bruins pull their goalie at the end of the third period even though it’s a risk for a tied game. It pays off. They get the goal and the Aces can’t come back in the minute they have left.

The locker room is silent. Davy and Carnie go to do press. They don’t let Matty talk to the press. He seems more pissed than anyone else, so that’s probably a good plan.

“Parse says he doesn’t want to switch rooms if you don’t,” Davy tells him when they get back to the hotel. “But it’s up to you.”

“It’s fine,” Jeff says. He doesn’t want to move his stuff and it’s late. They’re not going to do more than sleep anyway.

“Okay, but if I hear anything loud enough to wake me up, I got a key card for your room, and I’m shutting that down.”

Normally Jeff would say that was overkill. Tonight, it’s a relief. Davy probably told Parse the same thing. It will be enough to keep him from starting anything.

Jeff changes as soon as they get to the room and only takes the time to brush his teeth before crawling into bed and turning away from Parse.

He hears Parse climb into bed. Jeff is almost asleep when he hears a muffled sniff from the other side of the room. He wakes back up on reflex, but he stops himself from turning over. Normally, he’d get right up and go to Parse. Tonight, he’s not sure Parse wants him to. And if he sets Parse off again, then Davy might show up. Parse might have enough control to listen to Davy, but he might not.

Jeff manages to stay still until the sniffles turn into sobs. It’s impossible to stay mad when Parse is crying, so he turns over on his back and pulls back the covers. If Parse wants comfort tonight, he’s going to have to ask for it, but Jeff has to let him know that he _can_ ask for it. Knowing Parse, he might have convinced himself that Jeff hates him and is kicking him out of the apartment when they get home.

Parse scrambles out of his own bed and into Jeff’s so fast that Jeff barely has time to sit up before Parse is crying into his chest.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Parse says in between sobs. “I’m sorry I snuck out. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I said we weren’t related. It was stupid. I _wish_ we really were related because my parents didn’t even care if I was okay. But they’re right this time. I’m just a screw up. I’m sorry it’s my fault we lost the game.”

“Hey, hey,” Jeff says as he rubs Parse’s back. “I forgive you and you’re not just a screw up. Whatever they said is bullshit and whatever my moms said is what you should listen to.”

“I didn’t text them back,” Parse says through his tears. “I was afraid to.”

“Okay. Well, you should do that in the morning because they’re worried,” Jeff says, “And it’s not all your fault we lost the game, but you should apologize to the guys tomorrow for what happened.”

“They all hate me. Except Davy and Reaper. No one else talked to me all day,” Parse says. “Well Matty said it would be nice if I cared about my real friends as much as Zimms.”

“They’re upset with you. They don’t hate you. They’ll give you another chance. And maybe apologize extra to Matty. He’s just hurt because he’s your friend. He’ll forgive you too.”

“Maybe.”

“Hey, you think I’m going to let them be shitty to you because you fucked up one time?”

“You probably should.”

“Yeah, well, I waited twenty-five years to have a little brother to stick up for. I think I’ll be good at it.”

Parse gives him a small laugh before moving in to hug him tighter for a few minutes. Then he pulls back and reaches for the tissues on the nightstand to clean up his face.

“I have to bring back signed proof that I’m seeing Caitlyn twice a week for at least six months. I have to do skype sessions on the road.”

“That’s not a bad thing. And I don’t think it’s really a punishment. They’re worried about you. They just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“So I don’t fuck up again.”

“Upper management that doesn’t know you? Maybe. Davy and the coaches? They care more about making sure you’re getting help.”

Kent shrugs the way he always does when he doesn’t really believe what Jeff’s saying but knows there’s no point in arguing.

“Think you can sleep now, kid?”

Kent nods and moves away from him enough that they can both slide down the bed without being squashed together. He doesn’t object when Jeff smooths down his hair and pulls the covers up around him before moving away to get a few hours of sleep himself.

***

“They don’t hate you. It’s going to be okay,” Jeff says as they pack up the next morning. It’s early and they’ll just pass out before the plane even takes off, but he can tell Parse’s silence is more than just because he’s tired. He knows that it’s not really his fault that he wasn’t around for Parse the day before, but now that they’ve made up, he feels like he should’ve thought more about how hurt Parse would be after a whole day of the team ignoring him. Davy talked to him, and apparently Reaper also. Even without Jeff, two of the biggest leaders on the team were watching out for Parse.

“This would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to sit with them in a small space for hours.”

“Literally everyone will sleep at least a few hours on the plane.”

“Davy said he’d make sure I had time to apologize before we get on the plane if I wanted to get it over with.”

“You know what you’re going to say?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

There’s always a few minutes of waiting to get on the plane after they get to the airport. Davy not only calls for the team’s attention, but he stands behind Parse with a hand on his shoulder while he talks.

“I know I let everyone down yesterday,” Parse says. “I did something stupid that had consequences for the whole team. We’re supposed to count on each other, and I wasn’t there for you guys the way you’re always there for me. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, and I promise that it won’t happen again. I’ll keep my own problems from hurting you guys, and I’ll think about the team before doing something stupid. So, I guess, I hope you’ll all forgive me and give me a chance to earn your trust back.”

Parse only has to stand awkwardly for a second before Reaper gets up and claps him on the shoulder.

“You’re a good kid,” Reaper says. “Of course, we forgive you. You’re just totally grounded from booze until a committee decides otherwise.”

“Exactly who is on this committee?” Jeff asks.

“Obviously you. And Davy, Carnie, and me. And Matty because if we don’t put him on the committee, Parse might get him to cave.”

“I never want to drink again, so it doesn’t matter,” Parse says.

“Because you puked twice doing hungover suicides yesterday? Dude, that was gross,” Hooks says.

“Maybe Swoops just ground you for real,” Popcorn says.

“I’m nineteen,” Parse says, but he shrugs like he’s only saying it out of habit.

“Nineteen? No,” Popcorn says, “Maybe thirteen. Just grow out of car seat for the bus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few notes on this chapter. I knew I had to include this event in the story since Shitty said that Parse came to Samwell once before when we see him in the comic. This was the main reason I went ahead and sent Jack to school. I will also be posting an alternate POV for this, but it will not show the actual events at Samwell. (I posted a different alt POV last night for chapter 9 if you didn't see it!) I don't think I need to show what happened at Samwell. Everyone can probably figure that out.
> 
> One thing I want to make clear is that I don't think Kent is in the right here. If someone breaks up with you and asks to be left alone, you should leave them alone. Jeff knows that. Kent himself knows that, and he will be talking about this in therapy off-screen. Kent is not perfect. A large amount of people are not perfect and do wrong things when a relationship ends in a normal way so I think it's possible to understand Kent's actions while also acknowledging that what he did is not okay. Honestly, I think lots of people who don't have BPD would do the similar things given a similar situation.
> 
> tl:dr: People are flawed and flawed characters are generally what I write. I once wrote an entire story with an antagonist everyone hated and then turned around and wrote a sequel and made almost all my readers love him. It's a thing I do. In this case, Ngozi just did the first half for me.


	17. Chapter 17

It takes a full month for Parse to start complaining that he hates therapy again, but he keeps going twice a week like he’s supposed to. No one on the team officially knows except for Davy, Jeff, and Matty, but the other guys seem to know he has some kind of mandate. At Thanksgiving, he has to explain that no, he’s not actually an alcoholic, and Jeff has to back him up before the guys will let him even have a single beer. By January, the guys trust him again even if he still has three more months before he can ask to see Caitlyn a bit less often.

They’re still in the running for the playoffs in February when Carnie takes a hard hit that sprains his ankle badly. A week later, Davy gets a bad concussion. No matter what the media says, it’s obvious that Kent’s still surprised when he’s given a jersey with an “A.”

“It’s just until Davy and Carnie are back,” Coach says.

“It should be Reaper,” Parse says.

“Too bad,” Reaper says. “We voted and it’s you.”

Parse takes it, but later in therapy he admits he’s terrified that he’s going to fuck it up. And he still thinks Reaper or Jeff would be a better candidate. They talk about how he doesn’t think he deserves it yet, but the rest of the team does, so he’s going to try. And it’s temporary. When things go back to normal, it’s not because he failed.

Jeff doesn’t tell him that Davy, Reaper, and the coaches talked to him before they decided. They thought he was ready. They thought it would be a good trial considering that both Davy and Carnie were ready to retire, and Parse is the mostly likely successor for captain. They could have multiple alternates if they needed to. They don’t want to push Parse too hard. But it will be easier to decide if they have a clue how he took to it. Jeff told them he could handle it. And he believes it. Parse is focused on the ice and with the team. He’s going to therapy outside of that. Jeff can help take care of him at home, but Parse is already stepping in to lead with the team. He’s already working with the rookies. Jeff didn’t want him to lose this because he’s having some trouble outside of that.

Parse seems comforted by the idea that his captaincy is temporary. Jeff thinks it takes enough pressure off Parse that he relaxes into the position the way they all knew he would.

Even without two of their starters, they win three of the four games they play with Parse as their captain. Davy comes back first, but he says it’s better for him to have an alternate so Parse keeps the position without questioning him.

Two games later when Carnie comes back, Jeff’s not sure why Parse is surprised when they tell him that he should be an alternate the rest of the season. He knows Davy and Carnie are planning to retire. They told him months ago because Jeff said they should the first time they mentioned. It’s easier for Parse to adjust to change if he knows it’s coming. Anyone else would be upset to be told being an alternate didn’t guarantee he’d be captain the next season, but it seems to make Parse feel better.

They’re second going into the playoffs and the first round is easy. Beating the Red Wings in the Semi-finals is harder. Carnie’s ankle is still bothering him. Davy sprains his wrist in the third game, but not bad enough to stop him from coming back to play in the fourth. They’re all tired. Reaper’s shoulder will need surgery as soon as their season is over, but he can play through the pain until then. It takes them all seven games to win, but they pull through.

They lose the conference finals to the Canucks in game five. Carnie and Davy shouldn’t really be playing anymore. Reaper is in constant pain. Parse’s knee is hurting constantly, but the trainer says all it needs is rest and he can wait until the end of the season. Jeff hates it, but he knows that there’s no way Parse is sitting out when the other guys are still fighting. Except the season ends before any of them wanted. Parse goes through the handshake line without commenting, but Jeff loses him somewhere in between the ice and the visitor locker room.

“Did you see where Parse went?” Jeff says when he finds Davy. Davy stops undressing to look around.

“Shit,” Davy says when he realizes Parse isn’t anywhere in the room. There’s nothing in his stall to indicate he made it back, so that means he still doesn’t have his phone.  
Jeff grabs his phone to take with him to look and sees he has a text from a blocked number.

_If he disappeared, he’s probably at the loading docks._

It’s blocked so he can’t reply, but he shows it to Davy.

“It’s not a horror movie. We might as well go look,” Davy says.

Jeff almost insists on going alone, but Davy’s already got his pads and jersey off, and if they wait much longer, they’ll get stopped by the press.

Sure enough, Parse is sitting alone outside on one of the loading docks. To Jeff’s relief he’s not crying. Davy puts a hand out to stop Jeff when he starts to go to him.

“Let me talk to him first,” Davy says. “If he needs you, you can take over.”

Jeff nods only because Parse isn’t crying, but he moves close enough that he can hear. Parse turns and sees them both when Davy walks up to him, so it’s not like Parse doesn’t know he’s eavesdropping.

“Hey kid,” Davy says as he sits next to Parse. “You played a great series. You iced your knee every night and still played every game. You should be proud.”

“It wasn’t enough,” Parse says.

“We’re not going to win the cup every year. You know that. We had a lot of injuries this year. Carnie and I probably should’ve give up last year but we thought it would be better for the team in the long run to try for one more year. And well, we weren’t ready to quit before our bodies made us.”

“And now you can’t go out with the Cup.”

“That’s okay. We had it last year. And I’m used to Vegas. My kids don’t want to switch schools. I’ll be in the stands next time you win, okay?”

Parse nods.

“But until then, you’re going to have to get better at losing. Because you can’t win every year. And you have to know that it’s not you that loses. It’s never on one guy. It’s the team, and sometimes you’re not the best team. And it sucks, but next time you don’t win, it’s going to be you looking out for that kid who runs off and wants to blame himself.”

“What?”

“You’re the only person on this team who thinks you won’t be captain next year. It’s not official. It won’t be until the new season, but it’s not a question. So next time, you have to do this if someone needs you to.”

“It should be Reaper,” Parse says.

“Reaper will say no. Just like he did when we tried to make him an alternate the last two years. But, he said he’ll take alternate if you’re captain, and you want him to. Only for you though.”

Kent laughs.

“I’m never letting him quit. If they make me captain, he has to be alternate unless I actually find someone else I like better.”

“Well, the thing that changed his mind was how mad you got at him for fighting Curren. He thinks if he's got some authority, it'll be easier to protect you even if you tell him not to.”

Parse groans, but the smile he's fighting against ruins the effect.

“You're ready. And you can call or text me whenever you want. I'll be bored as fuck, and my kids will be sick of me by October I'm sure.”

Davy nods back to where Jeff is waiting.

“And Swoops figured out he should listen to you on the ice the day you got here. So just keep that up and let him take care of you when you go home. Don't try to change something that's not broken.”

Davy waits for Parse to nod, then stands up and pulls Parse up after him.

“Go get cleaned up. Be ready for press after. Then go home and let your family take care of you. You did good, kid. We’re all real proud of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!
> 
> Okay. Not really the end. That's a lie. I already got my beta back for the next fic in this series. Admittedly, I haven't even opened it yet, but it's there ready for me. So there shouldn't be a big gap in posting. We will be jumping 3 years into the future though. ;) Subscribe to the series if you want to get an alert.
> 
> Thanks for all the amazing comments. They really make my day. :)

**Author's Note:**

> If I missed any minor edits, I don't mind people letting me know. I only have one beta because I've been out of writing fanfic for over 5 years. Publishing has spoiled me with having a publisher providing all kinds of editors and proofreaders for me. Also, I'm happy to add any tags if you think I missed them. I always take such long breaks from writing fanfiction that I have to learn a new posting method when a Fandom gets me.


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